Red-headed rants and rambles

I can't believe he's TWELVE.

2009-05-28T13:48:00.002-04:00

Of course, I also can't believe what a slacker I've been about blogging lately. I'm sure I'll have lots more to say when the school year and spring sports season finally wrap up around here.

In the meantime, happy, happy birthday to my second born.

When we discovered we were expecting him, his big sister was barely 10 months old. We were a bit shocked, but had such a sense of peace and delight about a best friend to join our firstborn.

Thanks to modern science, we were given THREE due dates for the little guy. Typical of his personality, he showed up at the last minute...on the evening of his last due date. I couldn't have asked for a better labor and delivery, and still remember our surprise and delight when my husband announced that we had a son.

He was a laid back, go with the flow, baby; a mellow, sunshiny toddler, and an inquisitive but quiet child. As a 'tween (with his sister off at high school) he's beginning to stretch his wings and figure out who he is--not always the most pleasant process for his parents, but still important.

He loves soccer, his guitar, books, video games, and, hopefully us. He often shocks me with his spontaneous and unexpected sweetness--kissing me in front of his friends, announcing that he didn't want to go out for dinner on his birthday because Mom's cooking was better than any restaurant. He recently began playing with my Canon Rebel and is showing an eye that makes his shutterbug aunties (Alicia and Sally) proud.

I'm awfully proud of him, too.

Happy Birthday, EJ. I love you.

Wordless Wednesday: Elementary School Talent Show

2009-05-13T07:58:00.001-04:00

Things that make you go hmm....

2009-05-12T13:54:00.002-04:00

I have to say that I really liked this.

This year I asked the fam to skip the cards, etc. All I wanted was a clean garage. And really, I meant it.

I was doubly surprised when my tupperware cabinet (a disaster prone area) was also cleaned out and the kids and dh assembled the goods for my favorite breakfast (NOT served in bed, thank you very much--besides, I got up REALLY early for an 8am soccer match).

My mom and her dh came over later for home cooked Mexican and by my mom's request, my famous carrot cake.

My mother's day was truly blessed. It's nice to know that our choices bucked the norm....and I LOVE the fact that my garage is all clean.

Hope your day was wonderful, too.

From my Mothers' Day Card

2009-05-07T17:42:00.002-04:00

Dictated by my four year old to his preschool teacher. His fill in the blank responses are in bold. My comments are in italics.

MY MOM

My mom's name is Heather. What, not "Mom, I'm hungry?"

She is about 18 years old. Oh, charming child.

She has red hair and pink eyes. Hmmm....

My favorite food my mom makes me is macaroni. From the box, natch.

The nicest thing my mom does for me is helps me tie my shoes. He doesn't have a pair of tied shoes right now?! Of course, he told me later that I'm also nice when I let him play on the computer.

She is prettiest when she goes out to eat (looking like a princess).

I know my mom loves me because she hugs and kisses me.

I love her too!

Battle of the Books

2009-04-30T07:53:00.002-04:00

Quite possibly one of the most fun academic competitions I've ever had the honor to witness, the Battle of the Books requires each team to read (and recall in detail) each book from the Sunshine State Readers List and be able to answer (often ridiculously picky) questions about them.

This was our school's second year in the competition, and our kids DOUBLED both their scores and their rankings from last year, and beat out the second and third place finishers in head to head matches.

Playoffs or not, I'm officially an Orlando Magic fan, as they donated funds and merchandise that rocked the house. Ditto for Follett and Rainbow Books. The entry fee for the match was minimal and the kids got lunch, tshirts, generous goody bags, and books for their school library. The winning teams got all that plus trophies, more books, and bookstore gift cards. Needless to say, our team is pumped and excited about how to improve next year's results (even taking notes at lunch about what they needed to study).

Only two more weeks and next year's list will be released....

Kinda Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-15T20:30:00.001-04:00

Spoiler alert: My Moffitt checkup was a-okay. All clear for another four months. Whew. Still processing and will write more later.

When I was visiting Meredith, she dropped the gentle hint that my most middle of children might not be getting equal blog time :-). So, today is ALL about the princess :-).

She entered her school's "Read like a Rock Star" contest today for a chance to win extra books from the book fair. Any guesses as to which "star" she chose to be?

I took her to gymnastics today, where we found out for the first time in TWO YEARS that her Spring Festival would not conflict with an older sibling's soccer schedule. Her first comment, "Mom, you have to make J and R come and watch me this time." Nope, no middle-child syndrome/long-suffering soccer sibling here.

After gymnastics, we did a quick change, grabbed her favorite drive thru meal and headed out to the third grade Art Gala. Without siblings. AND her Daddy showed up for the whole thing. (No small feat when he works 75 miles from the school!) Needless to say, her artwork was gorgeous.

Afterwards was ice cream while Mom and Dad grabbed dinner. Middle child heaven, or what?

More Photo Friday--Miss K's Big Day

2009-03-28T08:34:00.004-04:00

(Does anyone besides me think this is SOOOO classic?)

She got me!

2009-03-28T08:24:00.003-04:00

The family ALL had the day off yesterday (!!), so we drove out to the nature coast for Miss K's 2nd birthday party. When I saw Meredith gathering people for cake, this is what I expected, not this:

Miss K and I share a birthday--in fact, she was the best thing about my 35th birthday!

What you can't see here is me restraining my Little Guy from licking my cupcakes....but you can see what a great friend I have in Meredith!

Hmmm...WHO would do something like this to his mother's birthday cake??

The culprit with his mad anagram skilz--he knew it wasn't gramatically correct, but was pleased enough with himself to ask his sister to take a photo :-).

LIVESTRONG Challenge Cancer Video

2009-03-24T09:57:00.001-04:00

What would YOU say to Cancer?

2009-03-24T09:40:00.006-04:00

Cancer, you're one sneaky person. You have no respect for race, age, person, wealth, religious affiliation, or personal habits. You didn't care that I didn't smoke, ate well, exercised, or had a household to care for.

You stole years off of my life, destroyed my veins as well as portions of my memory and cognition. You terrorized my parents, my husband, my children, family and friends. You made my 35th birthday one of the worst (and best) days of my life. Because of you, I may never live a day free of pain. You're relentless and cruel.

I, however, have news for you.

You loose.

See, you could come back tomorrow and it wouldn't matter, because I know that, no matter what, a better world awaits me, complete with a whole, perfect, pain and cancer-free body.

You loose, because, for now, every gain I make is a triumph. Each time I lift more weight, run or bike farther; each time I cook a meal for my family, clean a room, or do a load of laundry, you loose.

You loose because I don't take life for granted. I know that every birthday--mine or anothers', every hug from my children, every kiss from my husband or cup of coffee with a friend is a gift.

You loose, because I know in Whose hands my life is held, and it isn't yours.

What would you say to Cancer?

2009-03-20T07:12:00.005-04:00

Just for the record, the only thing that I like about yard work is the fact that, unlike 99% of the things I do around the house, someone can't come along moments later and undo the fruits of my labor (think dirty laundry, eaten meals, mucked up bathrooms...).

When I set out to do the lawn (trimming, edging, mowing, tackling the hedges, sweeping--I'm nothing if not through) my intentions were (mostly) to quiet the nagging feeling that I'd soon be getting a nasty gram from my HOA, then to assure my husband some free time to finish his consulting job this weekend in between soccer matches, and finally because it was one of those perfect Florida days when it's a downright sin to stay inside, and after all, I didn't really have time to make it to the beach before I had to get the kids from school.

I was doing well until I got to the Beast.

The Beast is the hedge that our property "shares" with our next door neighbors. I say "shares" because it's mostly (all) ON their side. It's a HUGE box hedge and gets overgrown fairly quickly. Our neighbors are older (retired), and he's pretty frail and she's rather frugal, so they don't pay their lawn service the extra few hundred dollars it would take to maintain it. Historically, we've gone ahead and trimmed (hacked?) it down because it was the nice thing to do.

This day was no exception. I had a decent attitude until about 15 minutes in to the 2 hour job. Then my inner three year old kicked in.

I began to lecture the inner child, much like I would one of my own offspring.

This is the right thing to do. It's honoring of our elders. It's loving our neighbor. It's serving the Lord.

I pressed through the trimming and began the job of raking and gathering the huge piles of leaves.

Then I heard their garage door open. It was Bob, my frail, early dementia, mid stage Parkinson's neighbor. He was standing and watching me with tears glinting in his eyes.

"You", he stammered, "you're sick!" (He remembers when I moved here very clearly). "You shouldn't have to do this...you're doing my work!".

"It's okay, Bob, I don't mind. Besides, I'm not sick anymore, see?" I pulled off my baseball cap and ruffled my hair to offer proof of my wellness.

"I don't know why I don't do things like this anymore....Lazy, I guess."

Needless to say, I was humbled to the core.

"Bob, you're not lazy. I see you out and about all the time...where are you going now?"

His eyes lit up. "For subs....I'm going to buy you lunch!".

As I was finishing up, he returned.

"Is it right? I probably screwed it up. I screw up things all the time."

"No Bob, it's perfect."

And it was--not for my lunch, as I'm not a fan of mayo, olives, or white bread (but my boys loved it as an afternoon snack)--but as gentle reminder that even when I don't feel "properly appreciated", that God won't be outloved or outgiven.

Because it's about time I updated...

2009-03-16T07:07:00.002-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

--It was not me who avoided writing last week not because of visiting family and a typically crazy schedule, but because it would have been my stepfather's birthday on Wednesday, and I found myself grieving all over again, and missing him anew. It also not me who wrote a hundred posts in my head on the nature of grief, but never summoned up the courage to hit the keyboard with them. Maybe someday...

--It was not me who also didn't write because I was internally pouting about missing my best friend's 40th birthday. It was also not me who immaturely got bent out of shape because I wasn't informed about her surprise party. It's not like I live a few thousand miles away and could just pop out there for it. To be sad and feel a little disenfranchised would be petty and immature, and that's so not me.

--It wasn't me who was more upset to see myself (in an email to a local TV station) being described by my publicist as "40ish" (I'll be 37 next week, thank you very much, and you see what having four kids and six round of chemo does to your aging process...) than I was that he described my book as "just okay" (Whatever. I had no editorial control over my book and know I could have rewritten extensively. It wasn't my editors vision and I let go of that when I signed the rights to the blog over to them). It also wasn't me who, much to my four year old's chagrin and my husband's delight, impulsively had my hairdresser return my hair to it's mid-twenties, pre-children and cancer shade of screaming Irish red.

--It wasn't me who wasn't too disappointed that both of her children's teams took fourth place in the Region Cup Final Four. I would never step back and see the character lessons more effectively taught by the occasional loss (nor would I be working on blog posts about them!). I also wouldn't secretly be relieved that this means one less weekend of travel this month. I also wouldn't secretly feel like my son's team didn't place third instead of fourth because his coach pulled him out after a perfectly executed and unscored on half to replace him with the other keeper. That would be truly biased of me.

--It wasn't me who felt crazy loved this weekend between the TWO sets of friends who drove out of their way to come watch the kids play (Thanks to Meridith and Miss K, and to Rich and Ruth--we love you!) , my mom and sisters who entertained the littles so that my dh and I could actually watch the games, and our dear family friend Dawna who put us up in her personal "Motel 6" (her terms--I'd call it the Hilton!) and spoiled us rotten with her hospitality. It also wasn't me who was totally charmed by almost 2 year old Miss K and ready to pack her up and take her home.

--I would never be so confrontational, so it certainly wasn't me who pulled aside the fellow club (not team!) mother of one of my daughter's acquaintances who shot her child's ref a double one fingered salute during a bad call and explained in detail all of the consequences of referee abuse and what the ramifications would be for her daughter's team (and the reputation of our club) had she been seen by the official. It also wasn't me who was astounded (and pleased) when she thanked me for telling her, then went to her coach and explained what she had done, what I had said, and apologized to him. I would never have so little faith in another human's teachableness (or lack thereof).

--It wasn't me who shouted at her kids to "Put away your stupid books and electronics, already and PAY ATTENTION!" as the Space Shuttle Discovery took off against the backdrop of a perfect Florida sunset while we drove home along I4 Sunday night. I also wasn't more than a bit smug and delighted when the slightly jaded TQ even leaned forward from the back seat to crane her neck and ooh and ahh with the rest of us. It also wasn't me who didn't have the sense to ask her husband to pull over so he could watch with full attention and maybe I could take a photo or two. Oh well...

--In that vein, it certainly wasn't me who rolled my eyes when my husband pointed out the opportunity to take our TQ (for free) to multiple women's collegiate matches next month (including her beloved Gators) because he had the audacity to talk soccer after two hot, sticky, and emotionally exhausting days. I'm always up for more, more, more, you know.

Would you, could you be inspired?

2009-03-02T18:05:00.002-05:00

Why, yes I could. Glad you inquired!

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

Dinner: Green Eggs and Ham (well, Canadian bacon and mushrooms), cheese toast fingers, and sliced tomatoes...and blue milk (by Eeyore Jr).

Inspirations:Green Eggs and Ham (duh!), the darling hat that Princess made in school today, Carla from Top Chef (the Breakfast challenge), and a really cool mom at my church, Connie Fitzmartin! You can check out her new website at http://www.themagicalmom.com/index.html.

There's a lesson in here somewhere

2009-03-01T16:17:00.000-05:00

This is the TQ's new soccer team (plus some friends and siblings who play for the same club).

Yes, it's technically a boys team (but our goalie and sweeper are girls).

Yes, it's mostly made up of working-class Hispanic kids who come from primarily Spanish-speaking homes. We do have one Filipino (first generation American) and our two "token" Caucasian Blondes.

A LOT of assumptions were made about our team when we entered the Region Cup this year.

We had never played an "A" level game.

We belong to a small, mostly recreational club. Our coaches aren't paid. We don't travel much because money is so tight for most of the families.

They call themselves "United"--and they mean it. TQ has never had the blessing of playing with a team like this. No prima donnas, no stars, no white, brown, male or female. Just kids who love soccer--and take care of each other. (I got a little choked up when, during warm up, another player knelt down to adjust the laces on TQ's shoes for her--something nearly impossible to do in keeper gloves, and later when she was lent layers to keep warm in the biting winds of the last game of the weekend).

Their coach never yells. Never. The parents are kind and positive.

They swept the semifinals this weekend, beating clubs that have serious money and sponsorship behind them. I can't repeat some of the comments made by parents from those clubs as this is a family blog, but trust me, they were NOT kind.

We couldn't be more proud to cheer them on in the Final Four.

Did we mention that Eeyore's team made finals, too? His dad, however, forgot the camera :-).

Lacrosse

2009-02-27T13:30:00.002-05:00

When the TQ came home from summer school petitioning to try out lacrosse, we weren't too keen on the idea. After all, our only experience with the game was watching the professional men's team practice in Phoenix. Pretty brutal. Fortunately, women's lacrosse is considered "non-contact" (unlike soccer), and they actually wear more safety equipment as well (goggles and mouth guards). Still, I wouldn't want to cross her, would you?

It's the first victory of the season for the JV Lady Bears. Way to go, girls!

Of course, somethings don't change from sport to sport. Like disinterested siblings who are too young NOT to get dragged along. This week's distraction? Play dough in the top tier of the stadium.

Lucky little ducks that they are, the Princess will be hangin' with her Grandma this weekend and the Little Guy has Saturday planned with his Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins. Otherwise, they'd be playing divide and conquer with Mom and Dad as we once again travel to two different cities (in two different counties) for the second round of Region Cup. They'll avoid the sexy soccer mom/dad tans that we'll inevitably come home with as well.

Four Years

2009-02-24T06:37:00.000-05:00

Four years ago today, I couldn't sleep. I sat in my rocking chair listening to a rare Phoenix thunderstorm and contemplating the last hours that I would ever hold a babe inside of me. It had been a long road of attempting to get and stay pregnant. At 3:30 am, we headed to the hospital for labor augmentation. In the last moments of pushing, I remember putting my hands on my huge belly. "Are you saying goodbye?" my mother half laughed, half whispered.

"I think maybe I'm saying hello," I replied. And then he was here.

Three years ago, I was exhausted from round after round of speech, physical, oral motor, and occupational therapy visits and trips to doctors. I was lost and confused as a mommy and had started to blog to work through things in my head. I loved him but his infancy was one of the hardest things I had ever survived (so I thought at the time). Being a fourth time mother to this little person taught me more about living (and parenting) in grace and compassion than any book or conference could.

Two years ago today, I had two rounds of chemotherapy left to complete. I wasn't sure that this wasn't the last birthday I'd see him have. Taking care of an active toddler (note the fractured leg) while in such a physically depleted state would have been impossible alone. Two years ago,

he and his brother and sisters gave me a reason to get up every day. They forced me to learn to ask for help. As our family gathered around that day, I remember feeling so grateful that even if I wasn't around for his next birthday, there would be so many people to love him. I became a more thankful mommy that year.

One year ago today, I thought the hard times were behind us. I was wrong. Job loss and house flooding ensued, but this little one never missed a beat. Of all of us, he was ever ebullient, ever trusting , ever ready to hop up in my my lap and "snuddle". In his third year, he helped me learn to rejoice always. I'm a more joyful mommy because of him.

Today, he's a "live out loud" kid who's never met someone who is not his "friend". We'll take treats to his beloved preschool class and meet friends for his McParty. If I'm lucky, we'll lay down for nap together (he taught me how to do that as well!) We'll make his favorite mac'n'cheese for dinner, and my some miracle of logistics, will all be able to sit down and celebrate him for a little while this evening. Today, because of him, I'm a woman whose heart is full to overflowing and who has tears streaming down her face as she types.

Happy Birthday, Little Guy.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD,

children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man

whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame

when they contend with their enemies

in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

(Inked in my Bible next to these verses is a note that this scripture was quoted in a note from our friend Bob on hearing the news that Little Guy had arrived).

Things to Smile about today

2009-02-23T16:09:00.003-05:00

--I screwed up last Friday. Big time (as in forgetting to call in to a radio station for an interview). I took a deep breath, realized that when one spins so many plates, occasionally one drops, and wrote a (very) humble note of apology. I opened my email to find that it was received with tremendous grace, and that I get to reschedule the interview. This time I may skip entering it on my calendar and skip right to having it tattooed on my arm.

--I wrote a note to Stephan Pastis, creator of Pearls Before Swine, and author of the comic below, thanking him for the soccer mom humor that caused much coffee-spewing on Sunday morning. He wrote me back! What a nice guy.

--My "village" rocks. A few texts and a phone call and a last minute scheduling glitch cleared right up. The TQ's IB counselors may even get to see that she has two parents capable of sharing the same space....

--One of the Little Guy's Friend's mom took the time to call and ask if it was still okay to RSVP for the McParty, despite the late date. Manners are not dead. Woot!

--A very sweet clerk at the store bakery was charmed by the almost-birthday boy, and custom mixed a pack of mini-cupcakes for him, throwing in some uber-cool (to a preschooler, at least) picks for them (not usually included). Preschool treats for birthday? Checked off the list with NO late night baking by Mama.

--My kids are not afraid to work. As a family we were able to bless Grandma and Grandpa by clearing 16 contractor-sized bags of leaves from their yard yesterday before the family birthday celebration.

--The Laurie Berkner Band gave an incredible performance at Ruth Eckerd Hall yesterday afternoon that has literally left my younger children and their cousins begging for more. ("Can we go to Laurie Berkner again today?"). Kudos to my sister for finding the concert and booking the tickets. We'll be "Buzz buzz buzz"-ing about this one for weeks. (It's a LBB fan thing...).

--I have one more day of my "baby" being three. I'm stocking up on three year old snuggles, hugs, and kisses.

My Sister-In-Law's Recent Post...

2009-02-23T08:02:00.000-05:00

was what came to mind when I almost spit out my Sunday morning coffee while reading this. It didn't help that my son's current team and my daughter's former team share the "Strikers" moniker. There's always more than a little truth in most humor!

2009-02-16T11:18:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Just for the record, this week it wasn't me who:

--Got so disgusted with the dad at the Father-Daughter Dance who spend over 20 minutes on his Crackberry while his daughter wandered around that I started shooting photos of him in the hopes of guilting him into putting the stupid thing away already. Such behavior would have been totally beneath me.

--Was in total agreement with my husband when he was rather firm in insisting that our three year old finish his breakfast Saturday morning. After all it was his favorite. I also totally did not share in the parental guilt when said child hurled his breakfast all over my van 15 minutes later.

-- Ran out to the eye doctor with the TQ and left my knight to clean up the mess.

--Wished, more than once as the child threw up three more times in the next few hours (twice more in a vehicle) that I was on the beach in Mexico.

--Has a child who, despite the fact that she knew that company was staying in her room, didn't make her bed, and while she can put both soccer and lacrosse balls into goals from 18 yards, didn't see fit to actually get the trash into her receptacle, preferring her floor. My children are much better trained than that.

--Breathed a huge sigh of relief when her son's team missed the semi-finals at Disney by a very small margin. I'm always supportive of his coach and would never, never say that the boys have been overworked and over scheduled lately, or say out loud that our exhausted and illness-depleted squad should have passed on this one.

--Allowed her almost 4 year old to order mac and cheese for breakfast in the hopes that he would eat.

--Traded dinner out with her family for a blissful 90 minutes to myself last night. I would never put myself before my family :-).

Finally, it's not me who plans on thoroughly enjoying every minute of her family's holiday doing a whole lot of nothing (except perhaps trying this recipe). Hope your day's just as nice.

My Boys are Growing Up!

2009-02-10T14:40:00.001-05:00

Before: Breakfast time. Pre-morning at the orthodontist and putting in his new "soccer eyes".

Egad! Aliens abducted my EJ and left a true tween in his place!

This, just some gratuitous cuteness. But with my baby turning FOUR in two weeks, I'm entitled. Mommy wussed out and had Grandpa register him for three day preschool next year. I'm not sure I could handle him away five mornings a week...at least that's my story until his next monkey stunt.

It's that time again

2009-02-09T12:27:00.007-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It was not me who gave into the incessant chatter of her three year old a let her child pick a treat off the shelf to take home while on the phone with Laurie to witness it (and laugh her butt off). Neither one of us seasoned moms would ever fall for that ploy from our cute babies.

It was also certainly not me who compromised on my lifelong hatred of the golden arches and booked my soon to be four year old's birthday there, simply because I a) wanted to have the party on a preschool day to make it easier for his classmates to come, b)didn't want to deal with set/clean up and/or pay $150 to rent the rec room at the park, and c)it was a HUGE deal at $6/per guest. Nope I'd never stoop to feeding my son and his friends utter crap just to make my life a littler easier.

It was not me who was the crazy soccer mom who has now purchased contact lenses for not one, but TWO of her offspring, not for reasons of vanity, but because Rec Specs fog up too badly on the pitch. It also wasn't me who drove to three different sports shops trying to replace the beloved keeper pants that my daughter finally wore the knees out on before Saturday's games. And it really wasn't me (it was my husband!) who ended up purchasing them 75 miles away from our house. (To our credit, it's the town he works in). It's also me who allowed her rather comely 13 year old daughter to take a spot on a U14 BOYS team this season and who is utterly delighted at how respectfully the boys treat the two girls on the team (and how happy the girls are with the more intense level of play).

It was not me (or my husband) who spent the weekend in two different counties for round one of Region Cup, and we certainly didn't require the rescue of a third adult home on leave from the Navy (thanks Amanda!) to take our most middle of children off to a birthday party so that she wouldn't later require "non soccer child" therapy.

It would never be me who accused her 7th grader of both" linguicide"and not having English as his native tongue as I helped edit his oration lat night.

It wasn't me who's decided that having her father-in-law's favorite bread ready to go was more important than having a sparkling bathroom for him to clean up in. It's also not me who's so double booked tomorrow that her father-in-law has to come and stand in line for preschool registration for her while her son has his braces applied AND she skips out on the Father-Daughter dance committee at school.

Finally, it is decidedly not me who will go to speech in my flour covered workout gear if I don't finish my lunch and get off of the computer right now. I would never be such a poor time manager.

Happy Monday!

A few Cancer Rants for a Rainy Monday

2009-02-02T17:14:00.004-05:00

Rant #1:

Most of the time I'm too busy actually living my life to remember that I'm a "medical miracle". Every once in a while I have occasion (besides check ups, of course!) to be reminded just how "lucky" I am to be here.

This latest occasion was at the neighborhood urgent care center where I landed early Sunday morning with some nasty urinary tract symptoms (never a good thing when one possesses only one kidney) and an even nastier reaction to a drug that I've taken literally dozens of times to manage said symptoms.

The sweet doctor wasn't just content to take my medical history. He had to analyze it and ask lots of unrelated questions about how I discovered the sarcoma, where/why/how/who treated the sarcoma, and tell me how unusual my cancer was. I get it. I'm a medical junkie myself. I totally see how fascinating my "case" is and why residents and interns have literally salivated over my case (very cool in a Grey's Anatomy way, right?).

What I don't get is this. EVERY practitioner, without fail (this one included) felt the need to find a reason I got cancer.

Smoker? No
Drinker? Rarely
Exercise? Yes
Healthy eater? 90% of the time
Chemical exposure? No
Family History? Nothing even close to my case, thanks.

Every time someone tries to figure out the why, the ninth chapter of John comes to mind.

1As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. 2And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" 3Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

That the works of God might be displayed in me.

That's the why for every circumstance of my life.

When you consider this, and the fact that all any of us "deserve" is death, then it becomes easier to let go of the misconception that hardships are punishments and material blessings are some sort of cosmic gold star for "good" behavior.

Rant #2:

Someone recently said offhandedly that I'd been through the "hell of cancer".

While I appreciate the fact that this person recognized just how hideous my treatment was, the phrase continues to eat at me.

Correct me if my theology is off (and Keith, I know you will) but to me, hell is eternal separation from God.

While there were definitely times when I felt like God might be standing afar, or even asleep during my trials, I knew (and continue to know) that he was there the entire time, cradling me when I was too weak to function.

To be eternally lost to that love, comfort and care...to truly be alone in the struggle...to not know that there was a significant reason (see above) for all it? That, my friends, is hell. Cancer is just a bump in the road.

Not a rant, but still nice for a rather Maudlin Monday :-):

I recently ran into a friend who was on his way to sing for a funeral. We looked at the songs chosen and I began to remember some of the things I had wanted during some of my nastier health crises.

This hymn is one of my all time favorites.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

--Katharina von Schlegel

Evidently, you can go home again

2009-01-31T09:58:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with a recently transplanted friend from church. She made the statement that their frequent trips "home" were probably making the transition to living in Florida more difficult, rather than easier.

There's a lot of truth to this statement. But I remember one of the more miserable times of my own much-relocated tween/teen years when I saved my pennies for a trip back to visit friends. It was nice...but not the same. Life--and the relationships I thought were so firmly established--had continued to move on while I was gone. Without day to day contact, the foundation for those friendships crumbled. This pattern repeated itself with every relocation.

This hasn't been the case with my adulthood, where I feel abundantly blessed with quality relationships. I recently had the privilege of returning to Phoenix to speak at a conference for my publisher. I was able to catch up with so many friends...and it was like we had just seen each other days, not months or years, before. I was encouraged, refreshed, and blessed.

What made the difference? I'm doubting that it's our relative "maturity" or even the addictive convenience of the Internet or F*cebook. Rather, the friendships I've been blessed with as an adult are by and large built on the foundation of Christ's love. All of the friends I reunited with in Arizona share the knowledge that the earth is not our home, and that someday we'll all be "home" together.

Personaly, I can't wait. But in the meantime, big thank-you hugs to all of you out in the desert.

It felt just like being home.

Wordless Wednesday: Rock On!

2009-01-14T11:29:00.000-05:00

2009-01-05T14:32:00.002-05:00

This is a great idea! I always appreciate a good laugh at my own expense. Thank you MckMama!

It was certainly not me who got in a tickling match with my dh the other night, only to elicit the comment from her TQ that, "We have bedrooms upstairs!" (Insert teen eye roll here).

It was definitely not me whose three year old begged for a Lunchable (Ugh...could it get grosser) and then exclaimed when denied that "But they're TASTY and they're good for me!". It also wasn't me who burst into giggles at this announcement and couldn't wait to call my husband and share it.

It wasn't me who parked said three year old in front of noggin.com for an HOUR while I did a call in radio interview.

It also wasn't me who booked a face painting gig on the same night and time that I'm supposed to be at our church's women's ministry meeting. I'm never that scatterbrained or disorganized.

It's also not me who has a child waiting to be read a story while I'm on the computer. I'd never be that neglectful.

Happy "Not Me" Monday!

Happy New Year

2009-01-04T19:04:00.003-05:00

On New Year's Eve, I was sitting at a table with a lovely group of ladies, sipping drinks and nibbling yummy appetizers while keeping half an eye on the rambunctious three-year old. (Aside: This would be a great place to talk about how lax we get with our "babies". You NEVER would have caught me letting any of the the other kids stay up to welcome the new year, even after a very long and late nap!)

We took turns reviewing our year. Not a pretty picture. Between us, we had experienced job loss, house flooding, health issues, loss of a parent, business difficulties, and home foreclosure. We took a moment to toast a heartfelt (and don't let the door hit you in the backside) farewell to 2008.

Less than an hour later, after welcoming 2009 with champagne, kisses, and warm wishes, I sat snuggled against the night chill on the lawn with my youngest in my lap. Together, we exclaimed at both the fireworks that we could see from the surrounding theme parks and the ones that our friend's teenage son was lighting in the street (much to the delight of the other children). My husband walked up behind me and kissed the top of my head and I experienced one of those "warm and fuzzy" moments when life feels simply perfect.

Almost in the same moment, I felt the Holy Spirit rebuking me for choosing the path of negativity earlier in the evening. I felt it again when TQ was having an emotional moment about how difficult our year had been. However, instead of focusing on the negative, this time my speech took a different turn. Yes, 2008 has been hard. We've lost a job, struggled financially, totaled a car, and literally had the ceiling fall in. Still--God gave me a book this year, an unexpected and glorious gift! And, as much as remodeling was difficult and painful, I'll take it over chemotherapy any day...chemo left me with residual pain, scars, and side effects. "Hurricane Kenmore" left me with a wonderful (and adequate) washer and dryer, the removal of my hated former carpet, and a beautiful (and much more "me" kitchen). Compared to 2007, the last year was a walk in the park.

In the midst of all of this, I (along with Amy, Susan, and others) was looking for my "word" for the year.

On New Year's Day, my in-law's were visiting when I received a call from my sister. She knew that I was struggling with replacing our battered (and holey!) couches. (We had started to look and had seen a "might" work on deep discount, but were discouraged). She and her husband told us to kick the old couches to the curb--they were buying us the cute "stopgap" couches to have in the living room until we found what we really wanted. The stopgaps would then move upstairs to create the lounge/game space I've dreamed about for my teen (and tween)!

For a moment, I struggled. We've received so much, others have so little. Then I was stupidly jealous--there was a time in our lives when we could bless others in an equal magnitude,and I miss being able to give that way. Then I was simply so awestruck and humbled that all I could say was choke out a soft "thank you" as my dh and his dad prepared to go and pick up our gift.

Then I opened my gift from Susan.

It was a word. My word for the year.

Blessings.

I'm going to hang the word near my mirror, where it will reflect on me each morning as I prepare to face the day.

I want to bless others this year. More so, I want to be acutely cognizant of (and grateful for!) the blessings that are handed to me daily, t0 focus on them and "battle for joy" as my pastor so eloquently worded it this morning.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. --Ephesians 1:3

May your new year be blessed.

2008-12-29T08:29:00.002-05:00

Emilie didn't get to spend Christmas with her husband and two small children. She spent it worshipping at the throne of her Savior. Her last post is so full of peace that it made me cry. Opening my mail on Christmas day to find out that she was gone made me cry even harder on and off throughout the day.

I know on some levels it sounds foolish to grieve for someone I don't even "know" in "real life", but she was also a battler of sarcoma, a wife, a mother, a writer, a daughter of the king. I can also relate to her peace.

There were one or two very low points in my own treatment when between uncontrollable cardiac arrhythmia and a zeroed out immune system when it looked like my body just might not make it through the consequences of chemo. I found myself amazed at how peaceful I felt, how ready I was to cut my ties to earth and fly home.

I know God doesn't make mistakes. I know he isn't capricious. I also know that I'm not "lucky", but that there's simply more for me to do here. That's why I spent Christmas with my babies, and Emilie didn't. Unfortunately, all that knowledge doesn't do away with the knowledge that it just have easily been my family preparing for my funeral today.

"Surviving" cancer is a the stickiest of wickets. One goes through treatment, often at high physical, social and emotional toll, and then is simply told to "go out and live your life".

But life is never the same. Survivor's guilt is a real feeling, as unproductive as it may be.

So is creeping resentment when joyous friends, family,and medical workers declare one "cured". How can one feel "cured" when, for many of us (including me), daily side effects persist and a relentless follow up schedule hangs over our heads? (Follow up that, at least in my case, could have it's own nasty side effect--more cancer!).

Don't get me wrong. I have no desire to die anytime soon. But I'm not sad for Emilie, just for her husband and family who will miss her so very much. She can breathe easy now. She's not in pain. She's free of the tubes she hated so very much and the cane that forced her to walk when she wanted so much to run.

Even as I type this, I realize that I'm rambling and may end up deleting this post at some point. Too morbid, right? Am I just wallowing in some perverse self-pity? Maybe, but reflecting on Emilie's life and death, has been a powerful thing for me.

My first realization was that, sometimes, it's a harder thing to resolve to live than to die. Life is uncertain and often chaotic (I should know after the past few years). For those of us who have heard the voice of the Shepherd, death is just a gateway to the ultimate certainty--an eternity with Him. Both however, boil down to obedience and submission to God's will for my life. (How is it that so much of Christianity can be boiled down to the stanza "Trust and obey"??).

My second realization was this. Despite all worldly circumstances that would tell me otherwise, I AM blessed beyond measure. I received a casual phone call from a friend the other day, and as I hung up, I reflected on our relationship with this couple and was struck by just how much I love them both...and that while our relationship with them is particularly close, I can also say how loved I have felt by so many in my life. Emilie had her husband share this quote with us after her death. It's not scripture, but it speaks deeply to the heart.

"And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth."
— Raymond Carver

Father, as the new year dawns, help me resolve not to live or to die, but to simply be obedient to Your will, to love You more, to make others feel "beloved on the earth" as I am. Thank you for loving me with an everlasting love, for calling me and making me your own.

Typing through tears

2008-12-19T14:49:00.005-05:00

A fellow sarcoma blogger, beautiful writer, wife, mother of two wee ones, and an occasional commenter on this blog has entered home hospice care.

I want to respect her privacy at this time, but please pray for her.

Stupid, horrible, destructive, evil, sarcoma.

Wonderful, Merciful, Savior.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9

The good news

2008-12-18T06:28:00.002-05:00

(and sorry for the delay) is that my CT scans showed no marked changes, and I'm off the hook for another four months. It's nice to know that my insides are as pretty as they can be,considering the circumstances, because my outside isn't doing quite so well. A well meaning lab tech tried to draw blood from the inside veins of both wrists (ouch)...no blood,but some really swell bruises. Why get stuck once (and draw blood from the hep lock) when you can get poked five times?? It's enough to make a girl miss her port--well if I had one of those nifty new power ports that can handle IV contrast. If they can transplant a face, I can only imagine that veins are next--I'll take a few of my husbands. They're unscarred, visible from the surface, and practically jump at the needle.

Saturday before the appointment, my sweet CBS ladies prayed over me at a luncheon and I can say that once I actually got through the hassle of choking down the barium suspension and getting on the road to the hospital, a beautiful sense of peace had taken over. I even enjoyed visiting and giving books to some of my favorite staff members. Still, I was glad when I could meet my sisters for lunch and give them the all clear sign.

It wasn't just me who was feeling the strain of this last visit. My hubby, my father-in-law, my sister all were rattled. DH and I were discussing it...why worry now? We can only think that as we get closer and closer to "normal" (and you know how I feel about that term) and farther from the actually treatment, the more we're aware that life can turn on a dime. Things were perfectly "normal" when all of this started, and goodness knows a that many, many more shoes have fallen since.

Speaking of life turning on a dime, instead of going out to celebrate with my dh, I ended up picking him up near his commute route, not too far from where he wrapped his car around a guardrail while avoiding a collision with another car. Praise God for airbags. It's a powerful reminder, once again, that we aren't the ones in control here.

I have half a dozen posts piled up in my drafts folder...

2008-12-10T07:43:00.004-05:00

...but none of them are saying what I want to say.

It's frustrating. Paul perhaps expresses it more eloquently.

18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[a] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18.

Monday is checkup time again, so bright and early that I'll be doing my own CT prep at home (Gross. Very gross--I think they should at least offer holiday flavors--perhaps Gingerbread Latte?).

Last time, I was almost feeling blase about the whole thing. This time, for some reason, the idea of the checkup is really eating my lunch. I'm anxious (beyond the whole cleaning thing) and more than a bit angry.

I'm angry that I'm loosing a day of my life to the cancer center. Especially during the Christmas season.

I'm angry that there's always a chance that the sarcoma could be back, and that I'm exposed to so much radiation in a year just looking for the monster that I could develop lukemia as a side effect.

I'm angry not that I could die, but that I struggle with trusting God to do my job here on earth and take care of my children.

I know in my head that my faith should be prevailing right now, but it's not.

Stupid, I know, but I'm being honest.

I'm blessed to be surrounded by people who love me and who thankfully don't treat me like the idiot that I'm acting like right now (oh me of little faith!). They accept my feelings and point me to the truths that are right there in my heart...if only I'd dig a little deeper. When they shine the light, I begin to see the way again.

Thanks to all who shine the light and are patient with me right now.

Better late than never: Just a Smattering of Gratitude

2008-12-01T07:14:00.003-05:00

I am Thankful:

--For my salvation. I am so utterly unworthy, and the only thing I am consistent in is disappointing and failing my Lord in my words and deeds. Yet, He loves me, and his righteousness blots out my transgressions. Hallelujah, what a Saviour!

--God's Sovereignty. I may never know why we've encountered the life hurdles that have confronted us in the last years. It doesn't matter. Our continuing to look towards Him for wisdom and guidance during them does.

--My husband. It's hard to believe that he's put up with me for nearly half of my life. What a trooper. The care and shepherding he provides our family is a daily blessing.

--TQ, or should I say Miss Independence, as she travelled solo cross-country this past week (no more unaccompanied minor status!)? She continues to grow in wisdom and in stature (she's almost taller than me), not to mention beauty. I missed her so much this Thanksgiving that we had a second turkey dinner celebration when she got home on Saturday.

--EJ. Also growing in wisdom and stature. At least we hope he keeps growing in stature, because he needs to grow into his feet. His new soccer boots were over an inch too long on me! I had reason to praise God for my handsome young man this week when I overheard his soccer coach talking to another boy about him, and mentioning that he often worked so hard at practice that he cried in exhaustion and frustration, but that EJ always delivered at crunch time during games. It was then that I realized what an uncomplaining spirit that he is developing--this is my child who NEVER has grumbled about any hardship we've endured in the last few years. Since this is a quality that I struggle with, I'm extra thankful to see it in one of my offspring!

--The Princess. My most middle of middle children, I see the blessing she is to those around her and delight in the special relationship she has with her grandparents. I'm even thankful for her stubborn, er, persistent streak...

--Little guy. I'm thankful for the humility he brings to my parenting! Every family should have a "late baby" around this time of year. His wonder and innocence balances out much of the emerging teen/tween jadedness and cynicism--and gives them an excuse to cut loose and be "kids" who delight in Charlie Brown holiday specials and tree decorating.

-Friends new and old. I am in awe of the kindness I have experienced in my life from those who love me/us so much.

--Family close enough to celebrate the holidays and special occasions with.

--A church that becomes more and more "ours" with every passing Sabbath.

--For those who choose to serve our country. This year I'm especially thankful for a nephew and a sweet friend who are just launching their military careers.

--For the traditions that bring us closer together. I could take or leave putting up the Christmas tree on Thanksgiving weekend, but I know my husband loves it and that makes it special. My heart melts when I see my family gathered around the advent wreath...

--Another year and new opportunities. Two short Thanksgiving weeks ago, I was caught in a whirl of chemo preparation (scans, port placements, logistics) and uncertainty about whether or not I'd celebrate another Thanksgiving with my family. This Thanksgiving week I was caught in a whirl of holiday preparation and logistics for an upcoming book promotion trip.

--The book. I'm never going to be on the Times bestseller list, but women have stopped me or written to say that they've been encouraged by my book!! What an awesome privilege to encourage someone.

My brain is still on vacation....Catching up in bullet points.

2008-11-24T08:09:00.004-05:00

--Thanks so much to Steve and Laurie for time away. What a blessing to pretty much do nothing for an entire week. A huge shout out as well to the "village" (literally) that made it possible for this mommy to farm out all four kids...and no one missed a homework assignment, soccer/lacrosse/gymnastics event.

--I would post pictures of us in Tennessee, but my husband is hoarding them on his zip drive. Here's one of Theresa (my sweet friend and UF apartment mate) who drove two hours to come and have lunch with me!

--We came home to find our renovations from the great flood done! It took about six hours on Monday, but I can almost put my hands on everything in my kitchen now. That is, until my kids attempt to put the dishes away...

--How can you not love the Internet?!? Thelma and Joy, thanks for taking the time to drop me a note--it made my day! Joy--I'll be in Phoenix in January to sign books and speak and would love to see you then.

--I heart the 'net part two. Who would have thought that a bunch of thirty-somethings would be such Facebook addicts? (We only really keep accounts to monitor our kids, you know!!). I am loving catching up with old friends and got to have supper with my "little brother" from OT school and his lovely wife on Saturday. They live just a short drive away, and we're so looking forward to renewing our relationship with them!

--My girls are gone this week. PP is at her grandparents' in Sarasota. TQ just got on a plane (no longer on unaccompanied minor status--gulp. Am I the only overprotective wuss parent here?). She'll be getting the star treatment from her NY grandparents this week--a celebration of her 13th birthday.

--I'm thinking a lot about gratitude this week. Profound, considering the holiday,right? I'm sure there's a post in there somewhere...

--Looking for something less fluffy? I'm guest posting at my friend Christina's blog this week. Go say hi to her.

Gone Fishin'

2008-11-07T08:57:00.003-05:00

Well, not really.

We are going to spend a week in a cabin in Tennessee courtesy of our dear friends Steve and Laurie. That's right, a week sans children.

Missing me? Go check out my interview on the Every Square Inch blog. It's good stuff.

Drop the team a comment while you're there!

Have a great week. I'll check in when and if we get a wifi fix!

A Sobering Thought On Election Day

2008-11-04T11:10:00.002-05:00

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.

Romans 13:1

Pray. Vote consciously and intelligently. Leave the rest up to God...He's got it under control, come what may.

And they'll know we are Christians by our love?

2008-11-03T11:25:00.005-05:00

Let me start out with this: over the years, we've been all over the map in our views on/participation in October 31. We've done trick or treat, we've stayed in with the lights off, we've gone to "alternative" festivals, we've celebrated Reformation Day (by far my personal favorite).

I think at some point I decided that attending an alternative was still celebrating/recognizing the day...and that getting out and having fun/interacting with my neighbors was a much more effective evangelization tool than sitting in the dark. So, we trick or treat at our house (although, if we had a Reformation Celebration to attend, we'd do that!). I also love the idea of "reverse trick or treat" that Susan's church participated in this year, and plan on making that part of our festivities next year.

This year, we had the preschool costume parade on Thursday. Friday, the elementary school had it's "Parade of Books".

Friday evening EJ headed out with his friend to set up for the local church's big "Trunk o' Treat" celebration, while the littles and I enjoyed a pizza from Aunt Sarah and costumed up. Daddy got home with the TQ just in time to grab a bite and head out to the festival with us. TQ stayed behind to clean up after soccer practice and hand out candy.

The festival part was loud, but fun. When the candy handout started, however, we stayed in line long enough to let EJ hand some out to his brother and sister, then headed home. The crush of people (over a thousand turned out!) proved to be just too much for our sensory-overloaded little guy. We headed back to our neighborhood.

Sadly, most of our neighborhood doesn't appear to have been educated in October 31 etiquette. We went to houses with porch lights on to find no one answering the door. We met up with friends who left a bowl of candy on their porch had returned from taking their own children out only to discover the entire bowl and it's contents had been stolen. We did encounter some lovely and pleasant people as well; but overall, we had fewer visitors, and the neighborhood was much quieter than last year.

We arrived home for the great candy sort. In addition to the goodies from the festival and their neighborhood rounds, they had a beautifully wrapped baggie of treats each. When this baggie was was opened, we discovered not only candy, but an article photocopied from a religious publication. It informed us that (I'm paraphrasing) good Christians didn't participate in "Satan's playground" nor did they expose their children to this type of thing. Oh, and that if we wanted more information on "good" Christian parenting, we could send money to a certain organization and receive a book.

I was gobsmacked. I respect these people's right to have an opinion about Halloween. As the body of Christ, we're not going to agree on everything...and I'm sure as they passed out their little bags of condemnation, their intentions were good. But the sugar that came with the message didn't make it any easier to swallow.

My thoughts:

--Aren't they participating in Satan's playground by handing these out to trick or treaters? Or is this kind of like witnessing in a nightclub? Hmmm...

--This would have been a great time to tuck in an invitation to a church, a tract that presents the gospel, or even a "This is who we are, neighbor, come and get to know us..." type message. I may have to do this next year, along with the reverse trick or treat.

--Not to be trite, but What would Jesus do in this situation?

What do YOU think?

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand. --Romans 14:1-4

Preschool Chronicles

2008-10-30T12:22:00.006-04:00

Does Diego look perplexed? Like he's had a rough week? It's probably because I caught him sharing cheerios with his cousin yesterday ("And one for YOU..." clued me in on what was happening). Problem was, it was the 4 1/2 week old cousin he was sharing with. (We are so lucky that cousin is a third child, or we'd be disowned). "Mama", he protested as I frantically swept my nephew's mouth, "the baby needs to EAT. Not just milk!"

Fast forward to this morning. Somehow, he managed to wedge his spoon inside his lower teeth. Yes, wedge it. Much screaming and tugging ensued, my mind flashing to how well this one was going to go over in the emergency room. The spoon finally came loose, and I extracted a promise that he would simply eat his food without any further experimentation in utensil management.

Now running late, we went to get dressed. It's costume day at school. I endured arguments that Diego does NOT wear a long sleeved shirt (it obviously isn't 45 degrees in the South American Jungle, or wherever he hangs out), he does NOT wear jeans (I decided that this one wasn't worth fighting), and that he DOES wear BROWN PANTS (!) (That one I won by pulling out a picture of Diego).

We got to preschool and I, camera in tow, began to walk into his class. "You CAN'T come in, Mama...you don't have a costume!".

I gave up, dropped him off and treated myself to a coffee and a productive morning of work for the elementary school's fall festival.

I figured the ban on costume-less mamas didn't extend to the parade, so I grabbed my camera, and got there to find (of course) that my child was the reluctant, overwhelmed parade marcher (feet-dragger? teacher-clinger? costume slogger?).

Here he is deciding if he's going to join the sweet, cooperative children in lining up for a group photo...

Thank you, Lord, that you made him so cute. It saves his bacon every time.

Looking for me?

2008-10-27T20:04:00.005-04:00

I've been juggling illness (mine and the Little Guy's) and plans for an upcoming trip with my hubby and some dear friends. AND moving back into our house...hooray!

Oh, and I also got to have lunch with Rebekah and the Sweet Tea gang today...it was wonderful to see her again.

But, if you're curious, I'm hanging out here this week.

The Weekend In Bullet Points (In no particular order)

2008-10-13T07:07:00.001-04:00

It's official. The TQ can no longer be called the "Tween Queen". Henceforth (well, starting at 3:40pm yesterday), she's the "Teen Queen". She turned thirteen yesterday--much to her delight. At least now she doesn't appear to be the youngest person in her high school program--until they all turn fourteen or fifteen this year.

In light of the recent chaos in our household (we're still in temporary housing and there was an out of town tournament for EJ this weekend), we skipped the party in favor of a yummy dinner at Maggiano's with the family (plus Aunt Sarah, Mr. Dave, and Amanda!). She also managed to clean up on presents--who knew lacrosse sticks came in screaming teal ?? In her own words, her birthday was "awesome"--and she's not done celebrating. She and her friend are off to the Reliant K concert in a few weeks.

I had a wonderful time sharing with the ladies of Family Life Church. I'll come to breakfast with them any day. What an encouraging way to spend a Saturday morning.

Go Florida Strikers! The boys played in their first "A" level tournament, and competed against teams who usually play a division up from them. They came in a very respectable second place. EJ's game is really developing (and was kindly noticed by the father of a guest player who hadn't seen him play in a couple of months). As much as EJ enjoyed the tournament, I think he enjoyed the night away with his dad even more.

I'm missing all of my Autumn decorating madness. I'll be happy to get back into our lovely, freshly painted (inside and out), re-floored and impeccably restored home sometime next week (the kitchen will be done in a few weeks when the cupboards arrive)! The remodeling team has been wonderful, leaving NO mess behind for me to clean up, so after I finish putting things to rights, I'll be able festoon the place with leaves and pumpkins.

Our church family continues to amaze me. We received a lovely (and generous) gift card yesterday that will help defray the cost of a new washer. As silly and paranoid as it sounds, I'm just not up to the emotional challenge of "fixing" ours and continuing to live with it. As things stand, I may never leave the house again while the wash is running... I'm so grateful for the love of the Body.

God's Economy

2008-10-11T20:02:00.002-04:00

Breakfast at Mimi's for the Princess and I : $13.00
Donating a book to the Women's ministry at Family Life: $17.50
Profit on the half-dozen books sold at the function--probably a wash

Being able to encourage(and be encouraged by) a group of godly women: Absolutely Priceless

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. --Matthew 6:19-20

Thursday Thirteen: Choosing to be Thankful

2008-10-02T16:10:00.003-04:00

It's been a LONG time since I've done one of these, but it seems like a good focusing tool today.

Thirteen things I'm thankful for

1. I have a roof over my head. As I watch/read/listen to the news, I realize that we're fortunate to have a place to call home, even we've been temporarily displaced. Let's face it. Four bedrooms, a HUGE kitchen, and a isn't exactly roughing it (especially after a week of living in our home with all of the dryers/dehumidifiers blowing circuits and roaring around the clock).

2. Nothing of true importance was damaged. My daughter took the hardest hit, as her mattress is toast, most of her shoes were ruined, and her backpack full of homework and notes was soaked--but we've been able to replace or dry out most of her stuff. My irreplacables--my photo albums and files--were either high and dry, or we were able to backup.

3.I'm getting new kitchen cabinets. I've always felt my kitchen was cramped and dark...the new cupboards are much more "me".

4. We're getting new flooring. The carpet was toast before we moved in, so this can only be a good thing...and it will eventually only be good for resale (I hope).

5.Our restoration company has thrown in some little fixes here and there that we simply haven't gotten around to in the past year and a half.

6.People have been kind and compassionate. We've had friends from church do our laundry (and we generate a LOT of laundry), lend a hand with the kids, and bring us yummy dinners.

7.My children are resilient and have their priorities straight. Both older children have made the statement that this is pretty much nothing compared to sarcoma!

8.God is using my little book. Just today two people told me that He used it to speak to them, and it really met them right where they were at (oh, and that it sounds just like me talking! Good job, Keith and Libby, looks like you met your goal on that one!).

9. Opportunities to share about the book are slowly starting to come in. Tonight, I was invited to share at the preschool parent association meeting and set up a book table there. Next week, I get to share at my home church service and at our women's meeting.

10. While a bit battered in spirit, there's nothing wrong with my body right now. I'm happy to be able to stress manage at the gym, over the sewing machine, and volunteering at the kids' schools.

11.I'm being given the chance (again!) to practice patience as I wait for the insurance company to respond, wait for our finances to straighten out, wait for the restoration to progress...

12. My husband has cheerfully served his family throughout our ordeal and is wading through forests of red tape for us while still shouldering his full commute/work load.

13. "My circumstances are not my truth". I wrote this in my Bible study notebook just a few days before "Hurricane Kenmore". It remains a valid statement.

A Guest Post from my Sister

2008-09-29T07:41:00.004-04:00

One of the most frustrating things about my course of treatment is that I have significant gaps in my memories of those long, Ifosfimide-fogged days. Evidently, I asked my sister if she'd like to keep the blog up during those times...we'll have to trust her, as she wasn't on drugs at the time :-). She decided to cash in on my offer this week. For the record, she came up with her own nickname. Love you, Sarah!

I don't know if you recall in the midst of your first chemo round when you offered for me to 'guest blog' to keep everyone updated in your progress. I think in my not-so-eloquent way I turned you down as I didn't think anyone would be interested in a barf or blood cell count update. Well, I was wrong about that then, and now I do want to take up on that offer.

So I picked up your book, (thanks for the free edition, but I might have bought one anyways), and I found that I couldn't put in down. I got wound into the fabric that has been the past few years of your life through your blog and found myself walking through it with you, like a strange Scrooge moment in a "Christmas Story" where he looks back and knows what's going to happen.
The tears started rolling after the first section of the book ended and I knew what the second section contained, I dreaded starting to read knowing what was in store for our heroine as you started your cancer/move, etc.s!#$^-storm. What a difference seeing all the blogs together at one time vs. checking in from time-to-time over the course of your postings. I can see why so many people in your life want to you send your story out to the world.

I know you don't see yourself as a "inspiration", a "strong woman", etc. etc. you are called on a VERY regular basis. But you should know that as much as you shirk from compliments, you are all of these things, and more.

Best of all, I know because your faith in God is so strong, you would not change a thing about the past, and you will not shy from the hurdles ahead of you (as many as there seem to be, especially with Hurricane Kenmore to deal with).

Thank you for sharing your story, for being you, handling life with a great demeanor and sharing the challenges and inner-demons we all struggle with but too few will share openly and honestly in a public forum.
To say you are a friend or a sister seems to diminish what we have, and I cherish it everyday we talk....which is everyday : )

Love you Booger!!!

---Buttmunch (aka youngest Sis)

Also newly arrived...

2008-09-25T13:12:00.002-04:00

...my BOOK!

It arrived at the doorstep as my insurance adjustor was leaving.

So, of course, I autographed a copy and handed it to her.

Am I the only one who thinks it's cool that my "baby" and my new nephew arrived on the same day?

And now, for some more plesant news

2008-09-25T09:39:00.003-04:00

Welcome to the world Baby Boy!

I'm pleased to announce that I now am the proud auntie to SEVEN nephews!

My newest nephew was born this morning at 8:18am and weighed in at a very respectable 8lb14oz.

I can't wait to go see him tomorrow...it's the first time I've lived close enough to meet my nephews when they were brand new.

It's just stuff, but boy, there's a LOT of it!!

2008-09-24T12:35:00.004-04:00

One of the most frustrating things about my move from Arizona to Florida was that I was too physically ill from treatment to do the usual pre-relocation sort and purge. As a result, when we arrived here, I found myself unpacking things like rocks that my children had collected in their rooms "because they were pretty".

The most obvious stuff got thrown away when we unpacked here (while I said prayers of gratitude that I wasn't the one paying the freight for rocks...), but other things were simply put away with the vague assumption that I would get around to really organizing our house the way I wanted to someday when I was feeling better.

I began the process when we decided to market this house, but my good intentions were often pushed aside by the demands of my back-to-school, quasi-single parent schedule/taxi service.

With our home in chaos, the issue has been forced. I'm trying to reclaim my bathroom, where the contents of my closet were tossed when our carpets were pulled. Yesterday, I took a HUGE load of clothes and shoes that I haven't worn in ages to Goodwill, along with (get this) FORTY hats and countless scarves and bandannas.

It was strange to let go of the head coverings that had been the most despised part of my daily wardrobe for the better part of a year...I kept wondering if I should keep them "just in case". Then I took a deep breath, decided to trust God with whatever the future holds, and pushed the bag into the donation bin. Replacing hats is easy, giving my worst fears over, not so much.

I'm off to finish sorting the decade of scrap booking supplies that were unceremoniously thrown in boxes when they were packed to move here (I had just finished an album for my nephew during my first round of chemo). I've come to the painful realization that it's been WAY too long since I've faced my memories...the Little Guy's baby book stops at seven months (He'll be FOUR in February), and our family books stop sometime in the summer of 2005.

I've got this insane notion that I'm going to work on the books while we're in temporary housing ...and sew costumes for Halloween, and supervise our reconstruction, oh, AND promote the book (copies should be here today or tomorrow!!). It could happen....

The insurance person comes tomorrow...demo should start Monday. Thanks for your prayers and support and keep 'em coming!

We're still breathing here...

2008-09-21T20:14:00.000-04:00

...but I'm not sure how.

The evil washing machine was supposedly "fixed" by our repair person Saturday morning at 8 a.m., after two weeks of waiting for parts, etc.

I threw a load of wash in our "fixed" machine (located in our UPSTAIRS laundry room) and left the house at 8:30ish. I returned six hours later to water pouring from the ceilings of our entire upstairs, and four or so inches of water downstairs.

Structurally, our house will probably require COMPLETE gutting. Since we live in the mold and mildew capitol of the world, I'm not sure if a human exists who would be dumb enough to buy the place for anything other than the land--even if we gut, treat the studs, and remodel.

Need I say that this feels like a cosmic sucker punch?

The computer was damaged, but seems to be hanging in for now. If the blog is dark for a while, it's because either a) it died or b) I'm struggling to model Job and not his wife:

9 His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!"
10 He replied, "You are talking like a foolish [b] woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said. --Job 2:9-10

Thanks to those who are praying...and to the neighbors who rolled up their sleeves in the midst of the initial emergency. You are all wonderful and we love you.

Please pray for wisdom and grace, for the repair company to do the right think in admitting liability, and for a fast, fair and generous insurance settlement. We're still in shock and just can't get much farther than that.

Love,
Heather

I don't get it.

2008-09-15T08:28:00.000-04:00

This is the child who refuses to try any kind of gymnastics class. Hmmm.....

Well, at least the house looked really nice this weekend.

2008-09-15T08:21:00.000-04:00

The people who caused the whirl of activity at my house did come and look at it. However, it seems that they "suddenly" decided that they couldn't live without a private pool. Or without paying about $100K less than we're asking.

My carpets, however, look lovely, and the other real estate agent told our agent that our house "showed beautifully". I'm not sure exactly what that means, other than the fact that God's not quite done with us here in Orlando...and that I was right not to kill myself cleaning the tile or doing a last-minute trim of the yard!

I'm not sure what to think...

2008-09-13T09:08:00.000-04:00

but after, oh, five months (?) on the market, numerous inquiry calls that have lead exactly nowhere, two dead open houses, and one spontaneous walk through, we've actually gotten a call that someone wants to come and look at the house this morning.

I have a "real" blog post percolating, but for now we're vacuuming, wiping down, and getting the heck out of Dodge for a few hours.

Have Thy own way, Lord.

It's taking a village

2008-09-11T13:30:00.000-04:00

One of the distinct disadvantages to my husband's extended workday and 150 mile round-trip commute is that, while he can do the occasionally late-evening soccer pickup, the vast majority of the responsibility for after school activities falls squarely on my shoulders.

At the beginning of the school year, I gridded out the kids' schedules. I mean this literally; there is a color coded time table that hangs above my workspace keeping track of their comings and goings. Piano lessons, check. Soccer, check. Gymnastics, check. Preschool and CBS, check. AWANA and youth group, check.

For a while, it appeared that I would be able to juggle things. After all, the miraculous had happened...the older two had soccer at the same time and location (that's akin to planetary alignment in soccer mom mythology).

It took about two weeks for my pretty little schedule to begin to fall apart. I hadn't counted on middle school soccer (only a 5 week season, PTL!) practices and games, or after school drama practice, or high school lacrosse and soccer pre-season conditioning, or the assortment of (early) evening meetings that seem to pop up at all the different schools. Then the other shoe fell...my son's soccer days were switching OPPOSITE my daughters. Now we have club soccer practice four days a week. One of EJ's soccer practices starts at the SAME time I'm supposed to pick up the Princess from the gym...and it's one county over.

Yesterday, it looked like things might fall apart. It was time to get the Princess from school, but a sudden and severe storm put the school under weather lockdown. EJ was practicing at the middle school, but would need to be picked up early due to the weather. AND I still hadn't figured out how to get kids to gymnastics/soccer in a way that didn't involve me cloning myself (and my van) or leaving my son to wait a lonely half hour in the park (not a comfortable option).

God always works things out. This is what went down.

My friend Andrea and I left our little boys with a third friend, Saundy, while I drove Andrea as close to the school as we could get (the traffic was a snarled mess with the lockdown). While she signed out kids (thank you, Lord that I thought to put her on the pickup authorization!) I drove to the middle school in time to fetched the half-drowned EJ. We drove back in time to get Andrea and the assorted kids as they walked home (the weather had calmed down). I retrieved the youngest with thanks to Saundy, and rushed home to dole out after-school snacks and supervise homework/music practice.

At four, we loaded up again, and dropped the Princess off at the gym. We ran a quick errand to the guitar store, then hooked up down the road with EJ's soccer coach. We traded our van (more seats) for his pickup; moved the car seat, and waved them off. Once I convinced a mildly hysterical Little Guy that it was OKAY that we didn't have "our car!!!", we scooted back to the gym in time to catch the Princess on the bars.

From the gym, we picked up TQ at play practice, and headed home to toss a salad for supper. Later that night, the coach returned EJ and our van. Because this coach drives so many of the boys to practice (lots of working and single moms) we decided that the car swap might be a good arrangement from here on out.

The evening was busy, but nothing near the nightmare it could have been.

The thing is, about halfway through all of this, it hit me.

I'm part of a community here. There are people I can count on to help us out and who love us.

After almost two (very long) years here, it was a lovely realization that a small part of me doesn't really care if our house sells anytime soon.

File these under shameless bragging...

2008-09-09T14:33:00.000-04:00

Two (well, three) of my kiddos made my day today.

I bounded upstairs to dress the Little Guy for preschool and found him....totally dressed (down to his shoes!) and with his hair brushed. The Princess decided to bless her mommy today.

I was volunteering for traffic control during middle school photo day, and was in the thick of a rush when EJ walked it to have his picture taken. I was completely prepared to be either a) ignored least I totally embarrass him, or b)kept at arms length lest I totally embarrass him.

Instead, I got a hug and a smooch. TWICE. In front of God and everybody. I was positively giddy with love for that kid and glowed all the way to get the LG from preschool.

LG capped it off by getting a much improved "great day" report from his teacher.

Whew....and whoo-hoo!

Some days, it's really nice to be the Mom.

Monday, Monday...

2008-09-08T17:07:00.000-04:00

I've had a hard time getting to my blog lately.

Life is a mixed bag right now. Last week brought the joys of tooling around the theme parks with my girls, starting new Bible studies (CBS and church), enjoying the company of out-of-town friends, and the first sighting of a Florida fall--the return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte to Starbucks.

It also brought a leaky washer (Again. I'm beginning to think trying to keep our laundry up while using an aging low-end top loader is kind of like trying to write one's magnum opus in crayola. But I digress.)

Did you know that bull mastiffs can get really horrible cases of hives that require pricey emergency visits to the local animal hospital? I do now, thanks to my adventure in pet-sitting last Friday.

AND I had the new experience of having, well , that child in preschool and Bible Study class. Seems the little guy isn't "adjusting" well to his new class settings. As of next week, I'll be sitting in to offer the CBS teacher suggestions on working with him (in his mixed age preschool class) and his sweet school teacher and I will be collaborating on a behavior chart to help him with the skills he struggles with, namely sitting and focusing when there is a group activity with out getting overwhelmed and transitioning smoothly from activity to activity.

Why is it that, despite pretty much expecting this from the beginning this year, I'm still feeling like a "bad" mom? I find myself embarrassed, wanting to explain that I've also given birth and raised three other children who were decently behaved in group situations at his age, and that I really am NOT as clueless as my child's behavior would make it appear?

Why is it that having a child with a "silent" disability like Sensory Integration Disorder or a language processing disorder (he has been diagnosed with both) can be such a double-edged sword? If I don't pre-inform new teachers then he looks like a perfectly normal, but poorly behaved child. If I DO pre-inform (like at CBS) then I get teachers who are afraid to set boundaries for him without me hand-holding for them?

Now that I've had a few days of distance from my hurt pride, some sage advice, and lots of time on my knees, I find myself more firmly resolved to love this child to the standard. He's so much better most of the time (at least around us) and he is still on summer break from therapy, so it's often easy for me to forget that he's not just a "quirky" preschooler. It doesn't help that I allow myself to occasionally succumb to guilty feelings of having lost so much time with him--first to his early illness, and then to mine. Sometimes it's easier to give into frustration than do the work I need to do with Him.

Once again, I'm glad that God doesn't suffer from the same parenting foibles that I do. Ever patient, he doesn't give up on me, but disciplines me, molding me into the image of His Son. The charge of this very special child is sweet discipline for me.

Less sweet, of course, are the children who oversleep, the piles of laundry, the dirty floors and bathrooms, and the house arrest of waitng for a repair man that have made up the start of my week. But the confinement to home has allowed lots of focused time for sensory activites and rehearsing classroom behavior with the Little Guy. So I guess those are sweet disciplines, too.

Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. --Hebrews 12:10-11

Wow, sometimes they ARE listening

2008-08-28T09:24:00.000-04:00

My son pointed out this out to his dad last night:

"Mom left something off the kitchen list. It should say that we have to make sure the sink is clean, too."

I LOVE that child.

It's a small, small world...

2008-08-26T21:27:00.000-04:00

Faced with a busier than average day, I decided to drag myself to a 5:45 spin class this morning.

As I was bent over adjusting my bike, another rider (whose daughter has played soccer with the TQ) walked in with a guest. The guest introduced herself to the teacher as, "Janice".

I looked up. The woman's guest was her sister, currently living in California.

The sister and I had gone to the same high school and both did field events for the track team.

One season.

TWENTY years ago.

In Germantown, Tennessee. I lived in Germantown less than a calendar year, but remembered Janice who was someone who was kind to me, offering training pointers and rides to meets and practices.

And, despite being an all star/all state athlete who was a senior when I was a sophomore (and not an outstanding athlete at ALL), she remembered me, too.

It (kind of) made hitting the gym (as opposed to the sack!) worth it.

Back to school...

2008-08-26T21:17:00.000-04:00

Because my Little Guy is such a "caboose", arriving well after my years of toddler/preschool intensive training were over, I find that there are skills that I expect him to have learned by...well, osmosis, I guess, because I certainly haven't taken the time to teach him! Other mommies of more than a few tell me that this is NOT a unique circumstance.

Part of my "back to school" training is taking time to teach him some basics. This week we began scripture memory work for his Cubbie class. It's taken multiple daily sessions, but as of today, he'll chirp the Cubbie Motto: "Jesus Loves Me!" and the key verse, "God loved us and sent His Son. --1John 4:10". Sometimes you have to strain to understand him, but it seems a little bit of a miracle to hear the Word from the mouth of a child we weren't at all sure would ever be intelligible.

I've also gone back to basics with my older children. Review is the way that the school year starts, right? I've decided that I'm going to leave them without excuses in the area of household chores (that we've already trained them in!). Instead of a nagging aggravated mom pointing out issues, this little checklist now hangs in the kitchen for them to self-assess.

Have I REALLY Finished Cleaning the Kitchen??

1. Are the counters and table clear of all dishes, towels, cooking implements and food?

2. Have the counters and tables been sprayed and wiped down? Did I MOVE objects to clean behind things?

3. Is the stainless steel (microwave, fridge, dishwasher) free of marks and/or fingerprints?

4. Are there visible splotches on the woodwork, walls, back splash or floor that need to be wiped up?

5. Have I VACUUMED the hard floors downstairs? (Brooms are for quick clean ups only) Did I MOVE things when I vacuumed? Did I shake out the rugs?

6. Is the dishwasher set to run later?

7. Does the trash need to be taken out?

8. Have I turned out the lights?

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,
Colossians 3:23

For extra credit, a back to school essay question: Is Heather a charter member of the Mean Mommy Club? Discuss.

Fay, Fay, go away....

2008-08-22T12:17:00.000-04:00

My husband quipped this morning that the powers that be should have named this particular storm "Fey" because of it's nature.

We're a bit damp and have discovered some house problems we need to work out before a real storm hits but, by and large, our immediate area was unscathed.

The county where my husband works was probably the hardest hit (12 inches of rain, street flooding and power outages). Between telecommuting due to high winds on his drive to work and plant closures, he's only been into work two full days this week. His next Friday off is now a make-up work day. We've all enjoyed having him around so much this week.

The kids were out of school Tuesday (postponing the first day of preschool as well) as a precaution and the school board cancelled classes today as well, despite the fact that some lonely rays of sun have finally started creeping through the clouds. Some of the schools in our district suffered damages, so I guess they thought it was easier to close all the schools down than simply doing selective closures. Soccer was also suspended for the week, so evenings have been blissfully quiet and low key around here.

I'm taking advantage of having the kids home to elicit some (a combination of paid, unpaid, and downright bribery) labor. Our house should be bright and shiny within an hour or so! Hopefully, this will free up the weekend from some of the more mundane chores and open things up to do something fun (like hit the big denim sale at Old Navy and shuttle TQ to a ref job). Or, perhaps it will dry out enough for us to machete down the lush jungle formerly known as our yard.

After four straight days, we're all more than a little weary of the rain. I'd like some "straight up" sunshine and less of the Florida liquid variety. Now there's something I never would have said while living in Phoenix....

The unremitting grey hasn't helped what has been a pretty melancholy week on my part. I've seen my daughter start high school, my baby start preschool, seen the return of my hairdresser curse (long story for another day), AND I've been hard at edits for the book. I had no idea how emotional rereading my own story would be. Hearing that one fellow cancer blogger is gone, and that another's sarcoma wasn't responding ideally to chemo, has added to the blahs.

I think I'm ready for a less "fey" weekend....

First day of Preschool!

2008-08-21T14:51:00.000-04:00

After a first day delayed thanks to Tropical Storm Fay, I am officially the mother of a high school student, a middle school student , an elementary school student, and a preschooler! Can you tell just how excited he is to be going to his "big boy school" and how much he didn't really want to come home today? Congratulations, Little Guy, on a great first day!

Rainy Day Fun? Maybe not so much for the dog.

2008-08-19T18:24:00.000-04:00

Our "house guest", Achilles, is a good sport. He provided quite a bit of entertainment to the Princess, the Little Guy ,and one of the neighbor kids this afternoon!

And, they're off!

2008-08-18T18:58:00.000-04:00

EJ was the first to leave the house this morning. Thanks to county budget cuts, his middle school starts at the crack o' dawn (the old high school start time). I'm SO thankful for his mellow temperament. Besides rolling with the EARLY bus appointment, he was also one of the 150 or so kids at his school whose schedules were "eaten" in a computer glitch this morning. He spent most of the day in the media center, contentedly reading waiting his turn. He finally made it to his assigned class the last half of the last period of the day! Since he's not always one to look on the bright side, I was surprised when he pointed out to me that "at least I got all the classes I asked for!"

The Princess was in a dilemma about what earrings to wear this morning. Luckily, her big sister was ready to step in with some fashion advice and a loaner pair. She had a great first day of third grade, got the teacher she had been praying for, and reports that she LOVES science lab.

It was also a good first day of high school for the TQ. She has people she knows in all of her classes and lunch. When did she get to be old enough to go to high school?? When did I get old enough to be mommy to a high school student, a middle school student, an elementary school student, AND a preschooler?

Actually, I can't claim the preschooler for a few more days. He was supposed to start tomorrow morning (and boy did I hear about it all day today), but thanks to Faye knocking at the door of our state, all of the kids are out of school tomorrow. Dh is telecommuting as well to avoid driving in the mess that is sure to be coming our way.(We're not in the path of the storm right now,but we're expecting lots of collateral winds and rain). Think dry thoughts for us.

I should be writing about my weekend, or the first day of school.

2008-08-18T06:29:00.000-04:00

Instead, I began my morning blog crawl to the news that Leroy Sievers, of NPR's My Cancer blog, has ended his battle with the beast.

I can't explain just how much his writing has given to so many in the cancer community. While I'm so glad that he's free of pain, I feel like a beautiful voice has been silenced. I'll miss its resonance over my morning coffee.

Where are that child's parents, and what ARE they thinking??

2008-08-14T07:17:00.000-04:00

Preschool starts in less than a week.

This is completely uncharted territory for us. We've never sent a child to preschool. It's only two mornings a week, and I know he's going to have a blast, but new things--positive or negative--are always a bit trepidatious for me.

One of the things I've been working on with the little guy in preparation for the school transition is becoming more independent in his toileting. We were in Chick"aFay" for story hour the other day and were going through the routine: potty, adjust clothes independently, wash hands, "Hooray! That's how big boys who go to school do it!".

Miss Carolyn, one of the hostesses, was tidying up the bathroom, and was sweet enough to take the time to praise him for completing his routine (She's a retired preschool teacher!) and even gave him a card for some free chicken to snack on before story hour. So far, a good start on his skills for the day.

Fast forward past story hour (books, action songs, and craft), and a nugget lunch with his siblings and buddy. He's in the play land when I hear, "I NEED the baffroom!" and see a streak running past me.

I just caught him before he dashed into the men's room, redirected him to the ladies, and supervised the errand. MY hands weren't washed before he had dashed back to the beloved play land. Maybe a little too independent there, but it had been a busy morning, and I was willing to let it go.

I came out, checked the playground to see that all was well, and went back to my salad (no french fries, Beck!) and conversation. I must have been a little too absorbed in showing my friend the book proofs, because I glanced up to see my son, naked from the waist down, running towards me.

When he saw me, he turned around and repeated the Pooh Bear run back to the ladies' room. The good thing about fourth child grace (or spending the previous week on a very European beach?) is that I was laughing too hard to be appalled at my son's public nudity. Thankfully, most of the people there were laughing pretty hard, too. I thought one older man was going to hurt himself, he was so amused.

Turns out that the little guy hadn't quite finished the job the first time and had dashed out of the play land to heed the call a bit too late. He had taken himself potty and even washed his hands, but didn't want to put his Cars undies back on in the state they were in. So, he decided to come and check with Mom to see what he should do. Not a bad chain of decision making, when you think about it.

However, we should probably work on the streaking thing...at least before he's off to kindergarten in a few years.

Lord, there are days when I feel like I can't BE thankful enough for the gifts of grace, time, and humor. Thank you for people who extend grace instead of taking up offense, for little people who make us laugh, and for the maturity afforded by time that allows us to laugh hardest at ourselves. I'm so grateful that I'm NOT called to be independent from You, but dependent. Otherwise, I'd just be walking around naked all the time...and it wouldn't be cute or humorous!

Another clean scan...

2008-08-11T16:22:00.000-04:00

...and my labs look good, too. I don't have to go back to Moffitt until December. God in his mercy continues to keep me cancer free, for now.

I say "for now" not because I have any sense of impending doom, but because (just keeping it real, folks), I've been treated for a rare and aggressive form of cancer that tends to favor metastasizing to the lungs.

I also say "for now" because I tend to think individuals that have never personally experienced cancer expect for the rest of us to maintain a relentless degree of positive thinking.

I'm not nay saying being positive...there were times in my own treatment where a "fake it till you make it" smile was what got me through the day. But no one can be positive all of the time.

For those of us that have been there, we know that recovery means that cancer becomes less and less a part of our everyday lives. I don't think about my cancer constantly, but I am never without reminders.

My scars may be (slowly) fading, but the cloud still lurks, ever so subtly at times. That persistent cough I had several weeks ago...could that be lung mets? The stabbing pain that pops up at the end of long days...surgical adhesions or something more malicious? Is my intermittent alexia leftover from the chemo bombardment (do you know that my system STILL hasn't fully cleared the noxious stuff??) or just the result of being a somewhat harried mommy of four? Is life feeling pretty good at the moment....what could be lurking around the corner?

Funny, in Cancer World (thank you Leroy Sievers), the newbies stand out above even the most chemo and radiation battered combatant. They wander around the center, fumble through the system, and well, they don't yet get it.

"She's awfully friendly", I hear stage whispered about sweet Margie, the clinic receptionist who knows the names of all of my children, stops me to hear the latest news on my way out the door, and hands out hugs to all of her "darlin's".

"Well...", one of the nearby veterans says, "she's seen a lot of us through quite a bit".

They'll get it soon enough. They'll understand why someone would ask for a specific tech to start their IV (God bless you, my brother Phillip!). Or how despite seeing hundreds of patients a day, Laura at the lab knows exactly how your hair has changed in the last four months. Or how complete strangers can have uplifting and encouraging--but NOT relentlessly positive conversations in the hospital halls and end up corresponding with one another.

God willing, someday they'll also understand how despite utter exhaustion and four kids at home waiting to be fed, a day at Moffitt can be a really, really good day.

Some Photos from Mexico

2008-08-10T18:26:00.000-04:00

Things are going to be a bit crazy around here, what with four kids to get ready for back-to-school, not to mention a baby shower. Oh, and a cancer checkup tomorrow. To make up for what is probably going to be even MORE blog silence, here's a few shots from my trip (you can see them all on my Facebook). BIG thanks and love to Mom and Dad N for jumping in while I was gone. And yes, I will take a minute to post after I get back from Moffitt. Thanks in advance for your prayers!

Need I mention that I am savage tan for my red-headed self? And yes, that IS my sister's bikini that I'm wearing. The resort was largely European and my Canadian friend and I took the plunge together...if they could ignore body flaws and soak up the sun, so could we!

Point of view shot from the lounge chair. This is how I spent mucho tiempo. By the way, the book was hilarious.

At dinner with my sweet sister...thanks for the trip, babe!

The ruins at Tulum.

Snorkeling with the sea turtles.

Feeding the fish cornflakes swiped from the breakfast buffet.

Me? Guilty about going on vacation and leaving my family behind?

2008-07-31T15:54:00.000-04:00

Well, maybe for about five minutes.

Then I realized that while my friend and I were cheerfully stitching scrub caps in the upstairs bedroom, my youngest child took it upon himself to "feed" his brother's new aquatic turtles, Macaroni and Cheese.

By feed, I mean dump two full bottles of turtle food (one of pellets and one of STINKY shrimp treats) into the ten gallon aquarium.

We had to empty the tank, dump the bloated food and treats, scrub and clean the tank, gravel, and filter. Then we had to go to PetCo. Because we now had NO turtle food or water conditioner.

On the plus side, it was nice to run an errand with EJ. I don't get enough one on one time with him.

Mac and Cheese are now happily basking in their lovely clean tank.

In less than 48 hours I hope to be happily basking on the beach here.

With permission from my pastor

2008-07-27T16:34:00.000-04:00

In his sermon wrapping up the book of Joshua today, Gregg said this:

When you write the story of your life, is God the hero?

I think I finally have a good answer for the question, "Why do you blog?". It's because I need to remember, in writing, all of His goodness, His faithfulness, His mercy, and His promises in, through and despite my circumstances.

More about what I want to do when I grow up

2008-07-23T06:56:00.000-04:00

Hmmm...the career options don't look all that great. That,or I'm being unambitious and lazy--at least by the standards of a world that tells me that I can do and/or be anything I want.

Did you catch that phrase? You know, "the standards of the world"? (Don't forget the "I want" part, either). At this point, I'm beginning to wonder if the problem here lies less in our squeaky finances and more in my heart.

Fast forward a bit. I'm having a heart to heart with a dear friend who is struggling with feeling unsuccessful compared to her professional peers. Another conversation follows with another friend who feels like at this point in her life "she can't do anything but be a stay at home mom and wife".

My question to both of them is this. What if this is all God has for you? If x is the pinnacle of your worldly accomplishments? Is it enough to know that you've been obedient to Him?

Then I realized that I wasn't really talking to them. That little gem was for me.

I'm human. The "temporary trappings of this world" look pretty darn attractive to me most of the time. It's hard to watch people around me enjoying some of the life luxuries that so appeal to me (Who knew Satan could appear in the form of a fancy vacation or front loading deluxe washer and dryer? Just theoretically, of course...) Money and the praise of men can be gratifying and useful.

But most of the most amazing things that have happened to me have little to NOTHING to do with me, or what I wanted.

I had no hand in my own salvation.

I didn't "want" to be a SAHM/Mom to more than a few/homeschooler/public schooler etc. I thought a high-powered medical career might be fun. But my heart was changed in a way that my flesh could never explain.

I had no desire to EVER go on a mission...but Uganda was thrust upon me in a way I couldn't ignore.

Writing a book certainly wasn't in my life plan. It was handed to me like a lovely gift.

Here's the thing. When I am removed from the equation--my striving, my desires--I can retain my passion for something while still leaving the results to God. In the end, it doesn't matter if this book sells twenty copies (all of them to my mom!) or hits the Times bestseller list. What matters is that all of us involved in the project were obedient to do what God told us to to--me to write out my musings, the ACWI folks to pray about and go forward to the project.

I can't compare what God has for me to what God has for someone else. Let me be very clear here. I believe that God calls some women to careers outside the home, and that if he calls them that they should obey that call. To ignore it is to invite misery and self-doubt (see above self-induced life crisis).

Paul sums it up like this:

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.

1Timothy 6:6-9

It's not what I do. It's my obedience and choice to put my shoulder to the wheel wherever God would place me. It's my contentment with the knowledge that The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. (Psalm 16:6).

It's not rocket science. I've stated more than once that I can be a little slow (stubborn) in these matters.

So for now, I am where I am, and obedience has to be, and is, enough.

Of course, there's always a postscript.

Once I repented of my discontent, doors began to open. There are some small, but compensated, opportunities for me right here at home that (get this) came to me--I didn't have to pursue them. They'll be up and running in God's time. There's the book. I'm available to do the legwork, but am excited to see what God will do with it.

Then there's the trip to the Mexican Rivera that my "baby" sister's treating me to...just because she loves me. Kind of a belated post-chemo celebration. Of course, with an agenda heavy on exercise classes, sunbathing, and reading, she gives me about three days before I start cutting her meat for her and trying to clean our room...

And this. The most lovely post card (email) from Him, in the form of an old friend:

Wow, Heather!!! I just finished reading Just Enough Grace and loved it. It brought some tears to my eyes as I related to your emotional struggles of cancer and joys of marriage. I sent it on to a friend too. She is now undergoing radiation (post surgery and chemo) for breast cancer. She has the same bold Christ-like spirit as you- and also a busy mom. Thank you for sharing your heart.

I hope you are all doing well. We miss you and still treasure the impact you’ve made on our hearts and lives.

How can I not be content with my cup so full? With a God who even cares about my selfish cares and needs, despite my straying?

Thoreau is credited with saying that the mass of men live lives of quiet desperation. I don't have an issue with the quiet part, but the rest has to go.

Most of us will never be famous or rich, at least by the standards of this world. I probably won't.

But I can live a life of quiet inspiration, a life of godly obedience and contentment.

That great gain is enough.

Strap yourselves in...it's going to be a LONG post

2008-07-22T07:45:00.000-04:00

If you've hung out here long enough, you know that my blogging can best (and most kindly) described as "erratic".

It's not that I don't have anything to say, but more that as time as passed (and my awareness of he TQ's readership and Internet prowess grows), I'm more cautious about using my page as a sounding general sounding board. As much as part of me would like to work through things in writing, I've learned that it's much more edifying for all involved (me included), when I pass what Heather would have initially said through the highly useful filter of Philippians 4:8.

All that to say that I think I've been more erratic than usual because I've been going through a life crisis of sorts. I don't think I'm special in this regard--it's pretty common for people who have been through life-threatening illnesses to evaluate their life choices. Ditto for those of us who stay at home and begin to see the world opening up for our offspring, especially as our (my!)friends return to the workforce. Throw in our current financial crunch (bad real estate market, unemployment recovery, medial bills...) and the looming university tuition for out oldest (egad, the next four years are going to fly by), and it would seem logical that I might want to reconsider just how I spend my days.

So, in typical headstrong bull, um, REDheaded fashion, I began a flurry of Internet research.

Option 1: Resume stymied career as occupational therapist. Okay, not the worst option. After all, I was good at what I did. However, in the decade since I've actively practiced, the licensing requirements have changed. Guess who was too "busy" with kids, homeschooling and cancer to keep up with them?? Oops. Bottom line would be a return to grad school. There's not one close in my field, and quite frankly, if I'm going to do the work of returning to school, I'll just suck it up and get my PA.

Option 2: PA school. Expensive, would require living away from my family at this point. Oh yes, my family. Did I forget that dh is gone 13 hours a day? Scratch PA school for now.

Option 3:Nursing school. Nearby where we live now AND where we could potentially live. But see the above husband gone thing. Hmmm...that door appears closed for now.

Option 4: Starbucks barista. Actually this could be a lot of fun. How many stores are going to hire someone whose availiblity is every other Friday (and only if dh doesn't get called into work) and Sundays after noon? Better put that one on hold.

Temporarily stymied, I tried a new approach, mainly what I should have done in the first place. (Gotta love the letter to the Philippians!).

To be continued....

Just alert enough to really process today's sermon...

2008-07-20T09:23:00.001-04:00

Created by OnePlusYou

Hat tip: Sally

The worst kept secret ever...

2008-07-14T18:57:00.001-04:00

For all of you who oh so gently "encouraged" me to write over the years, check out what God has graciously chosen to do.

I've barely had to lift a finger...Keith and Libby, on the other hand, have been VERY busy.

Please pray for the team (Jennifer and Brian, too!) as this little project begins to bear fruit!

Tagged

2008-07-14T08:45:00.000-04:00

Thank you to Rebekah at Sweet Tea with Lemon for this one!

1. Do you remember how you developed a love of reading?
My mom and grandmother are both big readers and library users, so I remember making trips there with them, laundry baskets in tow to fill with books. As I became a more independent reader, my mom would make up "summer reading lists" for me ("Here, read this...") of classics like The Good Earth.

Credit also must go to dear Mrs. Thomas, my third grade teacher. She would read aloud to us daily to calm down our restless and sweaty class after lunch. Her beautiful and clear voice introduced me to Laura Ingalls Wilder, Madeline L'Engle, Judy Blume, and many others.

2. What are some books you loved as a child?
The entire Little House series (I wore the covers off of them), Harriet the Spy, Anne of Green Gables, and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.

3. What is your favorite genre?
Don't really have one. I'm voracious enough not to have to be picky about my choices. I simply read a lot. With one notable exception, I don't really like fantasy or sci-fi. I love novels that increase my knowledge of other cultures and time periods. Right now, I seem to be on a historical fiction and classics bent.

4. Do you have a favorite novel?
Too many to choose from!! For the sake of brevity, I'll share my "notable" exception to my general dislike of sci-fi/fantasy lit and say that I was blown away by The Time Traveler's Wife. I also love this book because it was a book both dh and I enjoyed equally (very rare in fiction for us)! I'm not crazy about graphic novel's either, but have been known to read them on recommendation--Maus made me cry, and the Newberry-winning The Invention of Hugo Cabret was well, a winner for all ages.

5. Where do you usually read?
Any and everywhere. My bed, the couch, the bathtub (I'm guilty of watermarking more than one book!), in waiting rooms (Moffitt Cancer Center has a lovely take-a-book/leave a book program), on the soccer field (they don't play every moment, lol!), while waiting to pick my kids from activities, on the bathroom floor as the little guy plays in the tub (bliss on a cranky toddler/preschool afternoon!), poolside as my kids splash and play, just to name a few.

6. When do you usually read?
Mostly during afternoon rest times and in the evenings (in the tub and in bed), but I grab time to read whenever I can.

7. Do you usually have more than one book you are reading at a time?
If I'm reading a non-fiction book, yes. If I'm in fiction mode, no. Again, I'm a crazy fast reader (and blessed to comprehend pretty quickly, too), so I kind of do fiction the way some people eat potato chips.

8. Do you read nonfiction in a different way or place than you read fiction?
Nonfiction takes more concentration than brain candy, so I force myself to slow my usual pace. I try to read non-fiction only a chapter at a time so that I can digest the information given to me. I also tend to highlight/make notes in nonfiction. The only time I've ever taken fiction notes was when I had a paper to write or when I had the awesome privilege of helping to review a draft of Amy Wallace's second novel, Healing Promises.

9. Do you buy most of the books you read, or borrow them, or check them out of the library?
While I indulge in a few paperbacks in airport bookstores (I've often run out of what brought to read by that time!) it would be wasteful for me to buy novels. We're big library patrons and have been known to have over a hundred books out at a time between our five library cards! Nonfiction I tend to buy our borrow (but I don't highlight borrowed books!).

11. If you have children, what are some of the favorite books you have shared with them?
The Little House books, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, the Anne Books, tons and tons of classic children's books (Eric Carle, etc)... TQ has also read Tree Grows in Brooklyn , Pride and Prejudice, The Diary of Anne Frank, and The Hiding Place.

Now that my children are getting older, they share books with me, and I'm loving it! TQ and I are both reading Rebecca and My Sweet Antonia this summer and are working our way through the IB summer reading list (I'm skipping the graphic novels...), and I suspended my stance on sci-fi long enough to read through some of her favorites (the Uglies series and Wicked Lovely). Eeyore, Jr. loves the Redwall series, so I've read through a few of those as well. I also made sure that read the Harry Potter novels concurrently so that we could discuss them.

12. What are you reading now?
A Rose for the Crown (historical fiction about the mistress of King Richard III), The Autobiography of George Muller.

13. Do you keep a To Be Read list?
Only in my head. I do try to keep up with summer reading lists (Sunshine State books, the IB summer list, Newberry and Caldacott Award winners, etc.), but dh is much better about that than I by far! I also read the books sections of my newspaper and magazines, and make mental notes during the book features on my beloved NPR news programs.

14. What’s next?
My Antonia, Middlemarch, and whatever swag Amy throws my way from the convention and retreat she's been attending here in Orlando this week!

15. What books would you like to reread?
I regularly reread all of my favorites. Stepping Heavenward is especially good when I need an attitude adjustment! When I struggled with decreased concentration and illness during chemo, I reread the entire Anne series, most of Jane Austin's novels, the Time Traveler's Wife, Amy Tan's novels, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, and many, many, other "old friends".

16. Who are your favorite authors?
Again, too many to name. I love Jane Austin's quick wit and social satire. I'm blessed by John Piper's voice of wisdom. While I didn't love Atonement, I think McEwan is a wordsmith who handles the English language with incredible finesse.

I'm tagging...well, it's too darn hot to make anyone do anything here! I do think that Susan, Sally, Laurie, and Amy would enjoy this, but no pressure. Leave me a comment if you decide to play along.

A belated Happy Fourth of July

2008-07-09T14:22:00.000-04:00

And a huge thank you to Steve and Laurie for showing us a lovely holiday weekend! Don't we look cute (and patriotic) in our red, white and blue? Just trying to make Sally proud.

Sour Dairy Products and Sweet Memories

2008-07-01T12:30:00.000-04:00

One of my least favorite things to do as resident hausfrau is to clean out our fridge.

How does it get so grimy in there? If any of my lovely readers hold the secret to keeping a fridge clean, please comment post haste. (You're disqualified if you only have contentious grown-up type people in your house).

Despite the gross-out factor, it was a great time to pray for my friend Christine. She took on the nasty job of cleaning my fridge once or twice when I was too sick or pregnant or busy with a fussy newborn to even think about it. Her act of service is etched in my heart.

Similarly, I can't eat or peel a peach without thinking about Niki and Sally cleaning and freezing a case of peaches that came in the same day that I had to have home health start my first trimester IV. My lemon tree in Phoenix brought to mind Marc and his sons, who planted it for me after ripping out an agave. Chicken tortilla soup tastes like love--my friend Pat made vats for our family during chemo. My front landscaping makes me smile as I am thankful for my dh and his friend Steve who spent Christmas Eve sweating to put it in.

So, can you guess what my love language is?

Speaking of love languages, I owe my husband a belated thank you and I love you for sixteen years of marriage. Who knew we'd still be growing up together after all of these years? Happy Anniversary!

If your name is Cynthia....

2008-06-28T17:39:00.000-04:00

...and you once asked me a question on this blog that inspired another blog post, would you please contact me? I have a favor to ask of you!

Thanks,
Heather

Solidarity

2008-06-26T17:30:00.000-04:00

Today, when I made soup, I doubled the recipe.

My friend is expecting her fifth blessing in the early Spring, and the fatigue I see in her eyes, that certain greeness about the gills brought back memories of too short naps and of dashing about in search of a discreet place in which to toss my cookies. So I did the only thing I could think of to helpe her (of course, I prayed, too!). It was one tiny way of standing with her. I chopped,stirred, and thanked God that those long hard days of my pregnancies served to make me a more empathetic person.

Today, I sat a bit longer in the VBS room and nursed a really lousy cup of coffee.

A mom of many (six under ten years old) and a homeschooler had introduced herself to me. I remembered days of juggling laundry, lesson plans and diapers. So I did what I could. I sat and listened and reminded her of the fruit that her labors would produce in good time. We parted with a hug and with a smile. I sent up an arrow of thanks for the long days with my kiddos when I was sure that I just couldn't do this another day. Because the grace was there and now I could point back to it.

Today, I walked around the grocery store putting soup ingredients in my basket and soundlessly weeping.

One of my favorite bloggers announced on national radio that his own cancer monster had progressed to what medical professionals would delicately refer to as "end stage". I stood with all of us who scream "WHY?!?" at the gates of heaven. I pondered my own rude good health as of late, and how one scan could shatter that perception (it's happened before).

Tonight, I'll meet a long-time Internet sister for dinner. Together we'll share a bite to eat, maybe a frosty margarita, and some girly giggles. We'll celebrate my current health and rejoice over answered prayer (she was wearing her "Pray for Heather" bracelet when I nabbed her at the airport this afternoon). As a fellow believer, she'll stand with me. We'll know it's okay to doubt, to cry and to question, but ultimately we'll stand on the fact that we don't always get the "why" of our earthly situations, but we do get the promise that He stands with us through it all.

Time Vortex

2008-06-25T17:12:00.000-04:00

I forgot that while VBS can be a blessed respite for summer weary mamas, for those of us who walk in the door and notice the church has a shortage of volunteers, AND just "happen" to have to talk to the volunteer coordinator about placing her son as a youth aide...( you get the picture)VBS can turn into a huge time consumer.

This turn of events surprises exactly NO ONE who knows me well. Honestly, I need a "stop me before I volunteer" t-shirt.

My inability to see anyone floundering around in need of help and not step in aside, I'm having a great time. I didn't get to go to VBS as a kid, and I'm enjoying seeing my kids enjoy "Outrigger Island". The sets are fabulous, the program well organized (music to my OCD little ears). I love helping my group of third graders with their crafts and watching them worship. I also love watching Eeyore Jr. work with the younger kids...he's delightfully patient with them It doesn't hurt that Mama working there means that my little guy gets to "play with friends"...something he requests daily.
"Bible School" and "Play with friends" made in into the thank you section of last night's bedtime prayers.

Oh, and did I mention the soccer monster has awakened from its all too short "summer" hibernation (hah!). More miles on the minivan.

Please pray for "K" this week. She's our little "sandpaper" kiddo in the group. Grandma brings her and it sounds like her home situation is less than ideal. God has blessed me with lots of opportunities to see the beauty in K this week and to be able to speak encouragement to her (hooray!) but she still has a rough time in more quiet activities and we want to be able to really love her up this week.

It's Tough to be the Princess

2008-06-21T21:15:00.000-04:00

Being brave while getting her ears pierced.

A milkshake at lunch out with mom helped take the ouchies away...then off to see

Prince Caspian.

A birthday breakfast treat.

On her new boogie board at Cocoa Beach.

Dinner at the eatery of her choice and homemade ice cream cake.

Happy Birthday Princess! We love you!

Following the Rabbit Trails in my Brain...Top Chef Edition

2008-06-19T06:58:00.000-04:00

Embarrassingly enough, one of the things my older kids and I love to do together is follow Bravo TV's reality competitions ("Top Chef" and "Project Runway"). Yes, the language has been the pits this season--it's given us some interesting opportunities to talk about how what we speak says about who we are. Moving on.

This season of TC had a definite villainess, one that probably generated more hate mail than any other season. Now, I'm guessing that this person doesn't have the most amiable personality as a rule, but let's face it, nasty characters make for good entertainment. Where would the fun be in rooting for the hero(ine) in everything from a Disney flick to a Jane Austin novel if we didn't have someone to boo as well?

Anyway, all of this got the kids and I talking. Yes, this person appeared at her absolute worst in the pressure cooker environment of the show. She yelled, she cursed, she scowled, postured, and spoke well before she thought. No wonder (according to her own reunion show testimony) people are glaring at her on the street! However, we really don't know this person. We haven't spent time with her. We just get the perspective of some editor whose job it is to maximize the entertainment drama of the show. (Note to Bravo producers: We really like the show without all the drama. Just focus on the creative process and the food, people. Seriously.)

Yes, I am getting somewhere in all of this.

First, I'm so glad that I'm not on reality TV. I have absolutely not a doubt that my worst moments could be edited together to make one heck of a villian.

Secondly, I need to live my life, or self-edit (turn that filter on!) so that I what I leave behind doesn't' need editing. As one pithy t-shirt I glanced at the Mouse House this week states: "Live your live so that the preacher doesn't have to lie at your funeral"!

Finally, it makes me sad that so many people see God through a heavily edited lens. We love to focus in on the character qualities that either please or displease us...wrath, justice, mercy, love,what have you. Just a reminder that to know God, I have to spend time with him--not just take what I hear (in sermons or in the context of popular culture) or see at face value.

Weekend Wrapup and a Peek at our Crazy Summer

2008-06-16T08:03:00.000-04:00

Summer vacation has been less than restful for some of us at the Casa Redhead. Still, we've been managing to have a pretty good time.

Last week we had my nephew, J. He and the Princess (they're 17 months apart) attended Magic Treehouse theater camp at the Rep. They had a fabulous time and the Rep staff did an amazing job. I, however, got a little weary of slogging through downtown traffic twice a day and was glad when the little thespians wrapped things up with a delightful "shareformance" on Friday afternoon.

In the meantime, my sister (J's mom) and her other son A (Little Guy's BFF), came into town on Wednesday. We hit the ChickFilA Story hour and the very cool new "sprayground" at Dr. Phillip's Community Park. The shopping trip to Kohl's was less fun for the short people, but my sisters are my favorite personal shoppers, so I was thrilled. Sis also kicked us out on a real live date while she was here. The experience made me twitterpated (or maybe it was the killer sangria at the Iberian place we tried...)

My youngest was in heaven, and proclaimed to his sister during Sunday evening's bath, "I'm all alone. We need get in the car and go see my A."

TQ and Eeyore, Jr. are back at the books. EJ is taking Keyboarding via Florida Virtual School (well worth his time and not to much a of a cut into his summer calendar of Guitar Hero and Lego Indiana Jones on the Wii!). TQ is taking the big summer hit...IB Geometry five long days a week at the high school.

For the record, I only got a little weepy when I dropped her off Thursday morning. I was probably helped with my self-control by her compassionate comment, "You're not going to CRY, are you Mom??"

Friday night my husband showed up (the downside to the otherwise lovely new job is that he's gone about 13 hours a day most of the time--anyone want to buy a lovely discounted house in South Orlando??) as did my brother in law. We had a pizza dinner and spent the evening baking for the weekend.

Saturday, my aunt and uncle from Ohio, one of my cousins, her husband, and their three kids, drove in for the day (they're doing the Disney thing this week in Kissimmee). My mom and her hubby,and my other sister drove up as well. If you're counting, that was twenty of us having apps and lunch at my house that day! We had a lovely (albeit noisy) time of swimming, eating (pasta and sausage for a crowd), and catching up.

During the party, I made the comment, "Of course, now that I've got all of you here, some realtor is going to call and ask to show the house". (Things have been pretty quiet on the showing front here).

Actually, the people who wanted to see the house pulled up at the curb (with no call) as we were ushering our last guest out. Not the pristine condition that I'd like to show the house in, but a looker is a looker, right?? All in the good cause of keeping Heather humble, I suppose....

Father's Day was full of church, homemade meals, and gifts to honor Daddy. And housecleaning. LOTS of housecleaning. I was afraid that someone would call and want to see my filthy tile, er, house again that day!

I did manage to beg off Sunday School for a quiet moment at Starbucks, hoping that the time alone would help me manage the crazy storm of emotions that this day brings for me (grief for my beloved stepfather, sadness for my spiritually lost grandfather and father, bewilderment at my relationship with my biological father, thanksgiving for the godly heritage of my father in law, joy at my own husband's passionate pursuit of biblical fathering). It didn't help--I still cried about three times. Why do they show those videos on Father's Day???

Did I mention that all during this month the Princess has been giving us a countdown of exactly how many days until her birthday? Yes, Father's Day kicks off our Junebrations here...back to back birthdays this weekend and an anniversary next weekend.

But first, perhaps a summer nap is in order. Have a great week, and Happy Father's Day to all of my favorite men.

Isn't She Lovely? Eighth Grade Dance Pics

2008-05-31T09:19:00.000-04:00

Can you say spoiled? My sister drove over from St. Pete to help with her hair and brought her boyfriend's sister, K, who just happens to be a makeup artist. Nothing like having your own personal glam squad.

Too bad you can't see the cute shoes. They only took three shopping excursions to procure...but well worth the effort.

Gotcha!

2008-05-29T06:42:00.000-04:00

I've been known to throw some last minute parties, but this was pretty unlike dh and I. After two unsuccessful attempts to have a party for our Memorial Day Weekend "baby" (no one could come to a Friday night movie party, and soccer consumed the rest of the weekend) , we decided to surprise EJ with dinner at the pizza party up the road. Dh whipped up a set of bilingual invites ("It's a Surprise/Esta Una Sorpresa") and we snuck around at the semis handing them out. TQ did her part to deliver them Tuesday to school friends, and mom made some stealth phone calls while "reviewing" his planner.

He may have been a little disappointed to hear that I was running late and that Dad and I had decided to take his cake and grab a pizza instead of me whipping up his favorite Caesar salad, but he got over it when his entire soccer team and most of his school buds arrived for giant pizzas, cupcakes (his favorite Malted Milk, of course), and a gorgeous giant cookie that his big sister made and decorated for him (complete with homemade frosting).

We were a bit surprised by the awesome turnout on a school night, and while we probably didn't have enough for them to do, they found a way to amuse themselves...a giant balloon fight ensued with the decorations. Thank goodness the owners of this small pizza operation are pretty laid back!

I did find it funny that as my kids get older,the gift of choice (giving and receiving) is cash and/or gift cards. He is one happy boy and will be most diligent about his thank you notes. As soon as they are done, he's got the funds for his long-coveted Wii (TQ and the Princess will be kicking in their share as well). Looks like Camp Video Game for my kids this summer.

Gratuitous Birthday Boy Photo Fest

2008-05-28T08:11:00.000-04:00

Cheesing with the Disney Trophy...we got creamed over President's Day and were thrilled to make the Semis.

Warming up in goal.

First Place Trophy at Playoffs...that's not dirt on is knee, it's a nasty bruise injury that knocked him out of the last quarter of the game.

With a proud Coach.

Happy Birthday!

2008-05-28T07:55:00.000-04:00

Wow! My "Eeyore, Jr." is ELEVEN today! Here he is enjoying a birthday breakfast...his favorite, Laurie's Blueberry French Toast Casserole. We had a family dinner out this weekend at Red Lobster (nods to Auntie Sally!)...he did have the consideration to say, "I know it's not Mom's favorite, but...".

Congrats to him as well for helping his team win their area playoffs, take first in the DC Cup and place in the final four at the Disney Memorial Day Soccer Shootout! He played the game of his career (so far!) on Saturday, stopping a PK cold and punching out a high goal attempt. (He may have been showing off for Aunt Susan).

A peek into his (not so) little melancholy self--our conversation after we congratulated him on a fabulous game:

Mom: EJ, you looked really calm out there.

EJ: No, not on the inside.

Mom: Really, what were you thinking?

EJ: Ironically, that I had asked Nico to warm me up on PKs and got one five minutes later.
Mom's note--He was really proud at working this word into the conversation and went on to use it five more times.

But first, I thought, "Why me? Why now?".

(of course, you have to imagine this in his best Eeyore voice!).

We love you, EJ!

Happy Birthday

2008-05-22T13:49:00.000-04:00

Hop on over to Sally's place and wish my god-daughter a very happy birthday. We love and miss you, A...hope your day is as bright and shining as you are!

For My TQ, as she preparest to graduate Eighth Grade

2008-05-22T13:29:00.000-04:00

Dear TQ,

In the past few months, you’ve begun the long process of stretching your wings. Some of your decisions have resulted in some tension in our relationship, but I’m proud of the way that you’re choosing to work to regain our trust right now.

Last night, I watched you sing a beautiful solo with the advanced chorus—a chorus you technically shouldn’t have been placed in because of a lack of prior experience. You are never more beautiful to me than when you are singing. Your spirit shines in those moments, and I find myself breathless with awe that I get to be your mom.

I also saw you passed over for awards that you sacrificed for your commitment to your soccer team (All State and County Choir, Ensemble Festival). Despite the fact that you were ultimately not chosen for the State Cup team in soccer, I want you to know how proud we are of your dedication, hard work, and team loyalty. If effort and attitude alone could make an elite soccer player, you would have been playing for the national team this year. You have improved tremendously as a player, and no matter where the game takes you, I hope your love for it follows your throughout your lifetime as a player, a referee, a coach, and maybe even someday a soccer mom!

Today, your school recognized your straight “A” record for your eighth grade year. They chose not to recognize your three year “A” record, but only those of students who attended MWMS for their full middle school tenure. Despite this, know your record doesn’t go unrecognized—it won your entry into the IB program . Daddy, I, and everyone who loves you, choose to fully recognize your achievement today. You maintained a full load of advanced work while saddled with the disadvantages of being two years younger than your academic peers, moving cross-country, assuming the majority of daily direct care for your youngest brother during my cancer treatment, and dealing with the family stress surrounding your father’s job loss. If there was a special award for three year academic achievement despite tremendous obstacles, you’d be a shoo-in.

If you take nothing else away from this season of your life, know you begin your high school career with the knowledge that sometimes life is a raw deal. The only thing any of us “deserve” in life is death for our sins…praise God for his glorious plan of salvation! Good things aren’t always gifts, and bad things aren’t always punishments. They simply are what life hands us. This knowledge gives you the gift of resiliency. You know that life goes on, and the joys and sorrows of our everyday lives are trivial compared to the God’s glorious plan for you. Because you have experienced and overcome hardships and prejudice early in life, you will not be stymied by them later in life, but know not just how to soldier on when you encounter them in the future, but to encourage others who may be experiencing them for the first time.

Words fail to express how much we love you and how proud we are of you.
Love always,

Mom

It's nice to know the mortgage will be paid next month.

2008-05-15T07:53:00.000-04:00

My husband is employed! He'll start a new job on Monday with a company about 75 miles from us.

And, because I'm sure that your inquiring minds want to know:

--Yes, I have some really cool stories about God taking care of us in this last month, despite my crappy attitude. I'll type them up when I get a chance to process them a bit more.

--Yes we will be putting this house on the market and trying to move. Prayers for a real estate miracle in yet another hideous market would be greatly appreciated. Real estate is very much proving NOT to be our thing!

--We actually had two job offers at the same time (a blessing and boost to my dh's confidence after the incident at the Company That Must Not Be Named).

--The other job was more lucrative by far, but would have moved us to the frozen north. Which we probably would have done if they had offered a house buyout. In the long run, the Florida job is a better choice for our family (right Grandpa?).

Thanks again for all of your kind and encouraging words.

In Which My Own Words Come Back, Not so much to haunt me as to kick me in the rear

2008-05-08T20:32:00.001-04:00

My experience has been that the Lord rarely truly blindsides me. There's always a gift...something that prepares me.

When I lost my dad, I had the gift of a weekend with him just days before. During that weekend we took the time to heal some past hurts. The gift was that the last words I said to him alive were "I love you".

When we wanted a fourth child and every door seemed to close, our gift was our longing for "just one more". It sustained us through loss, through a horrible pregnancy, a long first year of reflux and colic, and all of the fights to figure out what was making my Little Guy tick out of sync.

In the months before my diagnosis, my husband and I had time to build our relationship during our Weekend to Remember and a glorious family vacation in Tahoe. Pictures of those days of calm before the storm are hung on our dining room wall, along with the word "Believe" and a favorite Bible verse. They hung daily before our eyes during the long days of treatment and healing.

When I went back to Phoenix in February, I had the opportunity to meet with friends from CBS. One of my favorite ladies ever, Trudy, blessed me with the most amazing compliment. "You know," said this woman who lived through infertility and the loss of her beloved Paul to Alzheimer's with tremendous grace, "I still think of a devotional you once gave at a leader's council meeting".

She reminded me of the time I shared about my apprenticeship in a floral department during high school. How sometimes to force flowers to bloom, we had to put them in hot water. Probably not too much fun if you're the flower, but the end results are beautiful.

God does the same thing, but he speaks in Psalms about refining us as silver in the furnace of affliction. (See Psalm 66)

I've tried to tell myself for weeks that I have writer's block...but that's not the truth.

The truth is that despite a clear check up last month (Hallelujah!), our storm isn't quite over...seems we were just resting in its eye.

Or, to hopelessly scramble my metaphors, we're being refined. By fire. To be specific, two days after my clear check up, my husband was dismissed from the job we moved here for, gave up dear friends and community for, sacrificed our savings for. Without a severance package or even a lovely parting gift (oops, did that sound bitter?).

It's not a pretty thing. When silver is heated, all the dross floats to the top and is skimmed off. Apparently, I still had a lot of dross...because I was not "blooming beautifully" during this latest trial. And when all is said and done, this is a public blog. One that my beautiful daughter reads. Some "dross" needs to stay a bit less public. It's bad enough that God, my husband, and occasionally my best friend have to deal with it.

So, back to my, gift. First Trudy reminded me of what trials really are. Then there was a season of pretty incredible sermons at church.

And then this.

Ouch.

Wow.

Thanks, Sally. I needed that.

Want to know what to do for someone with cancer?

2008-03-31T07:53:00.000-04:00

This blog post isn't a bad place to start.

My friend Amy wrote me not too long ago looking for suggestions on what to do to encourage a young person she knew who had been recently diagnosed. It made me reflect on the gifts that I enjoyed the most during my illness.

I'm with Mr. Sievers. Every gift was a blessing...but the best were those that injected moments of (relative) normalcy into a season of constant crisis.

Not a bad way to start Spring Break

2008-03-28T17:29:00.000-04:00

The gang loved soaking up the sun with Aunt Sarah at Cocoa Beach. Sally, it was just a tad warmer than it was last Monday, LOL.

Birthday Thank Yous

2008-03-24T04:55:00.000-04:00

To some of my favorite people in the world. Thank you for working so hard to get here this week. I can't imagine a better way to celebrate my birthday.

To Amy: Wow, the new book looks great! Thank you for the advance copy and for your sweet words of encouragment.

To my church family:

Thank you to my pastor's wife for remembering me with a card on Sunday. With all you do, I was astounded that you even knew it was my birthday. Your kind words were an extra ray of sunshine on Resurrection morning.

Thank you to the young mom juggling a toddler and a baby who still took the time to bless me with a card and gift. Wow, I'm blown away.

Thank you to the sweet new single in our fellowship for reading my heart. When I asked you yesterday where you would be going for Easter dinner then invited you over, you told me, "I almost called you last night...but I knew that I'd see you at church and you'd ask me to come over then!". Your words were a gift...and we loved sharing our noisy, messy, holiday with you.

To my friends and family--I love, love, love my new toy. Thanks to dh for coordinating that not-so-small blessing.

To my Abba. Thank you for the gift of another year. You are my life, my hope, my strength and my song no matter what the next year brings.

Happy Birthday

2008-03-24T04:13:00.000-04:00

To "Miss K" over at Meredith's place:

Dear Miss K,

One year ago today, your Mommy and Daddy were anticipating your arrival. They knew it would be any day now, as you were a bit "late" by your EDD. It was a joyous time of watching and waiting.

Things at my house, however, were not so joyful. In fact, the day before, my little boy had accidentally jumped up and bumped me in the nose. The pain startled me and I began to cry. I knew I was probably not looking at the best birthday weekend ever when it took me four hours, my mom coming over from Tampa, and two Ativan to stop crying. With one round of chemo to go, I was physically and emotionally spent, and not too confident that I'd see another birthday.

My family had a party for me that afternoon. As people were heading out, all I could think about was going to bed. Then your Daddy called. You were on your way.

NOTHING was going to stop me from being there. My sister and I hopped in the car and drove the hour to meet your Mommy and Daddy at the birthing center.

In the next hours, as you and Mommy worked so well and bravely to welcome you to the world, you gave me a gift. For one brief and shining evening, I wasn't a cancer patient. I was a doula and a friend. Your arrival reminded me that life goes on, no matter what.

My mother says that this picture with you is the only picture of me smiling my "real" smile during my season of walking through the valley. The timing of your birth was perfect, and I like to think that as the angels kissed you and sent you on your way to meet Mommy and Daddy, they whispered, "Carry hope", and you did. Thank you.

Miss K, may you have a wonderful birthday and continue to bring your family as much joy in the future as you have every day since your arrival.

Happy, happy birthday.

Love,

Miss Heather

To Trevor over at Laurie's:

Dear Trevor,

Happy Birthday to You! Thank you for being a friend to my son and helping him find his smile in the middle of a storm.

We love your sense of humor, your intelligence, and your all-around boyishness. Know that we're holding you in our heart today, even if we can't be there to celebrate with you.

Love,

Mrs. N and the whole Gang

The sunburns were so worth it

2008-03-19T10:02:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to the OCS Strikers U12 girls! They finished a lovely third at the Region Cup finals last weekend and are now ranked in the top 12 teams in the state! They're also eligible for State Cup play next year. Needless to say, we're pretty proud of the TQ and her soccer buds around here.

How to lie with statistics

2008-03-19T09:47:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged by Laurie.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
8
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Hmmm....this would make my name look pretty unique. Fortunately, I'm married to a statistician (Cue horrified looks here. Yes, he really did complete an entire degree--a graduate one at that--in statistics. And yes, I do love him despite this.)

Of course, I also found this out:

There are 511,668 people in the U.S. with the first name Heather.
Statistically the 104th most popular first name.

Yes, and all of us were born in the seventies. Okay, that part I'm making up.

Not that I needed a survey to tell me this. I went to pick up three-year-old pictures at Target yesterday. The woman who waited on us, the other mommy there to have photos done, and well, me....yep, all Heathers.

Kind of like the 80's movie. But in a suburban, 30something, totally unhip kind of way.

Thought for the Day

2008-03-04T17:09:00.001-05:00

I'm teaching at our Women's Ministry evening tonight, thus the lack of any serious blogging lately. Any energy for higher-order cognition has gone into studying. This is my favorite quote from my reading:

Secular entertaining is a terrible bondage. Its source is human
pride. Demanding perfection, fostering the urge to impress, it is a
rigorous taskmaster which enslaves. In contrast, Scriptural hospitality is
a freedom which liberates.

Entertaining says, “I want to impress you with my beautiful home, my
clever decorating, my gourmet cooking.” Hospitality, however, seeks to
minister. It says, “This home is not mine. It is truly a gift from my
Master. I am His servant and I use it as He desires.” Hospitality does not
try to impress, but to serve.
Karen B. Mains, Open Heart, Open Home.

The Braces are OFF!

2008-03-04T07:19:00.000-05:00

Before the appointment

After

Celebrating at Maggiano's with Grandpa Ted

And let's not forget the Florida Strikers.

2008-03-03T08:15:00.000-05:00

EJ had a great season opener as well. The 6-2 victory doesn't really reflect how well the teams were matched. I'm having way too much fun with my new toy, as the 200-plus photos I took this weekend show.

Who are we?

2008-03-03T08:09:00.000-05:00

The STRIKERS, of course!
I (and my good friend Heather) took the TQ to Round II of the Region Cup this weekend in Vero Beach. It was a nail-biter that came down to goal differentials, but they pulled it off...we're going to the semi-finals for the region. I can't tell you how proud she is to be part of one of the top sixteen U12 girls teams in the state right now. And, as an added bonus, she played midfield the entire last game. We got home late yesterday evening, and she's resting from all her exertions while I'm still trying to get my heart rate down from watching that oh-so-tense final game.
GO STRIKERS!

Perfect timing again

2008-02-26T17:59:00.000-05:00

Blessings are flying at us so hard right now, I'm tempted to pinch myself to see if I'm awake. Some I need to keep under my hat right now, some I can share.

My little guy qualified for speech three times a week through the school system.

I was suspicious. I used to work for the public schools and I know at this time of the year, resources are often thin and slots for new kids far between. I figured that the speech therapist would take her time getting our intake done, then put him into speech groups three times a week, groups of course being the least effective method of treating articulation disorders.

I couldn't have been more wrong. Less than six hours after gathering all of the requisite documents to register him for "school" (why can't the county agencies document share?) and filling out a ream of mostly redundant or unnecessary paperwork, the speech therapist called. She's recently dropped two children from groups and can begin to see us immediately. As in tomorrow.

Oh, and he'll be seen individually all three days.

Just in case you're interested...

2008-02-25T12:45:00.000-05:00

Hi Heather and Sarah,

As I mentioned in my phone call to you, Heather - just wanted to let you know that we will be airing your story on Wednesday evening at 5:44pm on 90.7fm. Out-of-towners can hear it live on www.wmfe.org or listen to an archived version on Thursday morning or after at www.wmfe.org/storycorps. This was a difficult piece to produce because there was so much to say in such a short time (and so many powerful moments in your discussion). No easy task to cut it down but I can promise I did my best by you : )

Regards,
Katie Ball
Independent ProducerCentral Florida StoryCorps

The very cool cake

2008-02-25T07:20:00.001-05:00

Thank you, Sally. I'm going to have to learn Photoshop now that I've got a nice camera. My sister's mother-in-law made this for us. I found the toys at Target a few weeks ago on clearance. I've been promising the little guy every since that he could have them back after his party.

My "Baby" Is THREE!

2008-02-24T21:30:00.000-05:00

Somehow, Mommy got an early birthday present. Got to love the internet age (and a wonderful dh and family). My sweet new Canon Rebel arrived late friday afternoon! Here we are celebrating together. I would love to show the amazing cake my friend Pat made for him (complete with cake crumb "road" and the Bob characters in party attire), but unfortunately it had his name on the front.

A SANDBOX?? For me?!? Thank you Aunt Sarah!

The best. dump truck. ever.

2008-02-21T13:38:00.000-05:00

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 (New International Version)

I don't make any claim to fathoming the mind of God. His ways are not mine (thank goodness), and struggle mightly though I may against this truth, His timing is perfect.

Thirteen Times When I've Been Thankful that His Timing has been Perfect, Even If My Understanding Has Not:

1. Several years ago, when the Princess was a tot, we were falsely and abusively disciplined by a church, and removed from leadership. Three years later, the disciplining pastor was removed from his pulpit and the associate who had been witness to the situation asked us to meet with him for a formal apology and reconcilliation. To me, three years was a long time to wait for an apology, but I finally got one when I didn't need it anymore and was able to accept it graciously.

2. The birth of our first child. I wasn't ready to be a mom, I was ready to be a professional. God knew I needed the growth and challenge of this amazing person in our lives and that a baby would bring enormous joy and comfort to our family in our season of grieving my father.

3.The birth of our second child. What did those two lines mean on that EPT just TEN MONTHS after I delivered the now TQ?? You're kidding, right God? No, He wasn't. Eeyore Jr. has been my heart's delight and his sister's best friend from the beginning.

4. The arrival of the Princess. I really, really, wasn't ready for more children, and wasn't submitting to my husband's prayerfully considered desire that we "try" for more. When I (resentfully) submitted after much stubborness, we conceived that night. She has brought so much joy to our lives.

5. Our little guy. After losses and being told there was "something" medically wrong (hmmm...could it have been cancer??), we were ready to investigate adoption as a means to complete our family. Two weeks later we were pregnant. The next Februrary, after many scares and medical interventions, we would have the little person who would keep us on our toes and laughing most of the time.

6. For the first seven months of his life, I couldn't get anyone to tell me what was wrong with our baby. He screamed. All the time. After pestering the medical community and wearing out our knees in prayer, we found a GI specialist who gave the little one the medicines he needed to be able to comfortably digest his food, grow, and most importantly sleep (and even occasionally smile). I learned to persisit in prayer and in hope, and to be humble in my parenting. Even with four babies, I certainly hadn't learned it all, and God used the time to make me a more empathetic person.

7. It took another six months to convince the medical community that there was still something going on with this child. God was with us as we slowly forged our way through the red-tape jungle that was (and is) the Early Intervention System in Arizona. In His perfect timing, we were blessed with some amazing therapists.

8. My cancer. I will always be grateful for God's timing in this area. My kidney began to bleed while the tumor was still well contained within the walls of the kidney. Most tumors that arise in this area aren't found until they have metastisized considerably.

9. God provided us with a blessed season of rest before our storm hit. In the months before my diagnosis we were able to spend time building our marriage up during a Weekend To Remember, and enjoyed an amazing family vacation in Lake Tahoe. I've lost count of how many times memories of this season helped sustain me during my treatment.

10. Our move. Who plans a cross country relocation in the middle of a major illness?? Evidently God does. He knew we needed a different doctor and approach to treatment and all of the family support only available right where we landed.

11.Placing the children in school. I never imagined that there would be a time that I would have peace about this decision. Believing God's timing means choosing to trust Him daily in this area.

12.The TQ's recent soccer triumph. This mom wanted so much to not see her more frustrated in an already painful season, but all of my attempts last year to "fix" the challenges fell flat. God chose in His perfect timing to show her the payoff of all her hard work and desire.

13. After two frustrating years and two state Early Intervention systems, my little guy's IEP finally sports the diagnosis that I (just his mom and an occupational therapist) had suggested from the beginning of our search for help. He's going to be able to continue with Speech through the school system and was alloted twice the number of units that I thought he'd qualify for.